Writing on the Wall

Dearest Spammer,

I DO NOT wish to have my penis enlarged.  I am quite satisfied with what I have been given but if that ever changes, although I am quite certain I will NOT call it Peter the Great, if I find myself suffering from erectile disfunction I know you are there to provide me with all the Viagra I may ever need.  Even herbal varieties...who would have known. 
I am not sure which married couple needs or wants to make their 'rocket' work every night, I know I don't have time for that shit...and I really think if anyone needs their tool repaired they should be seeking the assistance of a professional.  But it relieves me to know that when I have overdosed on Viagra or Cialis and find myself with an erection lasting more than 4 hours, the pain unbearable, I can turn to you and know that Vicodin is within my reach.  Cut out the middle man as you say and order my drugs online, delivered right to my door.  Something tells me that I should keep the middle man, have the drugs actually prescribed because I fail to see an offering for NA. Surely after purchasing highly addictive drugs online I will need their support. 

I won't even miss a meeting because I know I can get replica watches whenever I need them.  The perfect fake watch.  Sounds like an oxymoron but at least I would look stylish in my fake Rolex without ever having to venture downtown to find one.

I can simply sit at home listening to my IPOD, blogging on my laptop, watching TV, taking pictures of my family with all the products I have received from China that you so graciously offered me.

I can ride in style to my meetings on the new motorcycle (also from China) and never get lost because I have that fancy GPS attached to the bike.

All in all, I want to thank you for making my life so much more pleasurable and easy.  I can now just sit at home and get fatter, waiting for the newest weight loss gimic to be offered to me because I know you have it.  I know I will see it soon.

BTW-I am still waiting for that inheritance from my long lost relative.

Sincerely,
Me