Just a bunch of random crap I have been thinking about today.
1. Is this snow ever going to end? I am so sick of that white stuff, even if it is only coming down in a soft mist. It's still enough to cover the roads and making any hope of going anywhere that much more undesirable.
2. Julianne looks so cute in the new pants we bought her yesterday. Scored a good deal at Superstore yesterday on some clearance items so got her a pair of pants, almost like jeans but purple and a cute pink top with animal print designs on it. Of course the shirt is already dirty but the pants are cute.
3. Baking banana oat chocolate chip muffins right now. The house smells heavenly. Nothing really beats the smell of fresh baking.
4. We need to get a new stroller for Julianne before we go to Holland in May. She has one but it's far too big to be taking anywhere. We would have to make 2 trips from the Amsterdam airport just to get our luggage and the stroller to the in-laws place. We weren't going to take one but seriously, the thought of having to either carry her around the airport or chase after her for 4 hours before we get to board is not all that appealing.
5. Randomly making a list in my mind of all the things we have to take with us and all the things we can leave behind and get while we are there. Need to leave as much room in the suitcases as possible so they aren't too heavy and so we can fit all our stuff and all her stuff in it without going over the maximum weight and still leaving a little room to bring stuff back with us if necessary. It's not as complicated as it sounds I am sure but it does seem a little overwhelming right now.
6. Still have lots of work to get done from yesterday that I didn't manage to do. Not that I couldn't do it but rather that I chose not to do it. Now I have to get a lot done today. Some actual work work and but also some writing I need to get done before my class tomorrow. Somehow I have to rip off at least 7 more pages in my novel in order to be at the minimum quota I set for myself. Also need to work on a personal essay for my non-fiction class I am taking at the moment. I have one already that might work but it needs some edits and I am not sure that's really the one I want to use.
7. In addition, there are some short fiction contests I have seen recently and some general calls for submissions. I never submitted anything for January so I am already behind on my list of things to do before I turn 40. I could easily say I have lots of time cause really I do, but I know that time will just fly by and before I know it I will be 40 and nothing will have gotten done. I am just like that. Don't know why but that's me. Ms. Procrastinator.
Well, muffins are done so I am going to stop here. There are plenty of other things I could add to this list cause I am ALWAYS thinking about something but will have to save it for another day.
Happy Sunday to all!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
I should be working but instead I find myself blogging. It's Saturday for crying out loud. Why should I be working? But there is lots to do and I pretty much got kicked out of the office this morning so decided fine...I will just go home and do the work you apparently don't think needs to get done.
But it's distracting here. Daughter wants to play, husband is just being husband, daughter wants to eat, daughter needs to get dressed, daughter needs to be changed. It's never ending. Husband has something he wants to say that he thinks is SOOOO incredibly important RIGHT now that it has to be said. So, since I am distracted enough already, I might as well catch up on the blogging instead of actually working. But that doesn't change the fact that the work still has to get done.
What a dilemma.
It's Saturday, I want to just spend time with the family, but instead I have to work. Even though I am working at home, to keep up appearances, husband can look over and see me busily typing and think, wow...she is so dedicated. Ha...he doesn't know what I am REALLY doing.
The squeals and whines are distracting. The bathroom needs to be cleaned, the carpets need vacuuming AGAIN, cause I love my vacuum cleaner. I don't think I love it more than blogging but it is a very close second. Although sometimes I can't even fathom opening the laptop and coming up with something awe inspiring to say. Well, none of this is ever awe inspiring...and right now I fear it's alot of rambling...but it's keeping my fingers busy. Makes me LOOK busy. Appearances can be deceiving.
I have a lot of posts to catch up with....so I will finish this up...finish my coffee while I catch up with everyone. Maybe, hopefully, leave a comment or two here and there.
But it's distracting here. Daughter wants to play, husband is just being husband, daughter wants to eat, daughter needs to get dressed, daughter needs to be changed. It's never ending. Husband has something he wants to say that he thinks is SOOOO incredibly important RIGHT now that it has to be said. So, since I am distracted enough already, I might as well catch up on the blogging instead of actually working. But that doesn't change the fact that the work still has to get done.
What a dilemma.
It's Saturday, I want to just spend time with the family, but instead I have to work. Even though I am working at home, to keep up appearances, husband can look over and see me busily typing and think, wow...she is so dedicated. Ha...he doesn't know what I am REALLY doing.
The squeals and whines are distracting. The bathroom needs to be cleaned, the carpets need vacuuming AGAIN, cause I love my vacuum cleaner. I don't think I love it more than blogging but it is a very close second. Although sometimes I can't even fathom opening the laptop and coming up with something awe inspiring to say. Well, none of this is ever awe inspiring...and right now I fear it's alot of rambling...but it's keeping my fingers busy. Makes me LOOK busy. Appearances can be deceiving.
I have a lot of posts to catch up with....so I will finish this up...finish my coffee while I catch up with everyone. Maybe, hopefully, leave a comment or two here and there.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Through the help of Frazzled Wifey over at Oops I Forgot To Breathe, and because I don't have anything in particular to write about today, I thought I would join in Talkin' About Thursdays. Click the pic above to go to My Cup 2 Yours to join in the fun. Follow her instructions and voila...you can participate.
So I have to come up with 5 things about myself to share with the bloggy world and my friends that are already following me then link up to the blog hop on above mentioned page.
So here goes...this probably won't be all that exciting cause frankly I have a pretty mundane life...but it's my life and so far I am enjoying it.
1. I was born and raised in Prince George, BC, Canada but ended up moving around a lot growing up. Being in Calgary now for almost 10 years is the longest I have ever lived in any one place and I have no intentions of moving anytime soon.
2. I have been married for almost 3 years and today it is just as wonderful as it was at the beginning. It was a whirlwind romance...we got married less than a year from the time we first actually met in person. I do think I am one of the luckiest girls around to have found such a wonderful husband. He is from Holland and was still living there when we met but after a short time decided to immigrate to Canada. We now have one beautiful daughter and hope to add more to the family at some point.
3. I am a hopelessly optimistic person. I tend to look for the good in everyone and every situation before the bad. Yes this has backfired on me on numerous occasions...but I still believe (and pardon the cliche) every cloud has a silver lining. Sorry Apryl...had to say it.
4. I do not let my past define who I am because it's all about the here and now and what is to come. Every day is a new day.
5. I love to write...I love my part-time employment but secretly (well maybe not so secretly) wish that I could just be a full time stay at home mom and write to my heart's content. But realistically I know that's not possible until I am actually making some money from writing. Honestly, I don't try as hard as I really should but work in baby steps.
Well I guess that's it for now. I am glad I only had to write 5 things, cause I might have been stumped with many more.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Bad Hair Day?
You ever wake in the morning, toddle off to the bathroom, happen to glance in the mirror on the way...and stop...OMG, my hair looks pretty good? If only it could look this hot and sexy every morning. Not quite the sex hair look and totally not bed head, but it actually falls just the right way, hangs over your eyes in just the right places, has just the right wave to it. Of course you would not dare leave the house like this, but for a few minutes you pause and admire. Maybe you're just admiring how great you look, puffy, red eyes and all. Maybe you are trying to memorize the exact way the do is laying so that one day you can try to recreate it. Not that you have anywhere to wear that kind of do but a girl can dream as she stands in front of the mirror with her sexy hair, wearing nothing but...shit what am I wearing?
Tank top and underwear. Boobs sagging.
Wow...that is hot. No, sadly pathetic. The tired mom and wife that you are begins to resurface.
Ugh.
Now you turn from the mirror for all you can see are the rolls of extra skin on the rest of your body, the cellulite and flab and every stretch mark...and the dream is gone.
Poof! Just like that.
Tank top and underwear. Boobs sagging.
Wow...that is hot. No, sadly pathetic. The tired mom and wife that you are begins to resurface.
Ugh.
Now you turn from the mirror for all you can see are the rolls of extra skin on the rest of your body, the cellulite and flab and every stretch mark...and the dream is gone.
Poof! Just like that.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Friend Making Monday
So I keep seeing this MckLinky thing on several blogs. A blog hop to help increase your reader base, meet new people and find more blogs to read...not like I don't have enough already but there really is some good stuff out there. Some great writers.
So this one seemed simple enough. I like being given a theme when I am at a loss for something to blog about on a given day. Figured I would give it a try. Not sure if I got all the links right but I guess we'll see what happens.
Ok, couldn't get it to work the way I wanted so go check out {aefilkins} and Moments of Mommyhood.
Ok, couldn't get it to work the way I wanted so go check out {aefilkins} and Moments of Mommyhood.
The Simple Woman's Daybook
I am thinking.... it would be nice if it would warm up a little around here. We had some really great weather for a week or so but now we are back to the below 0 temps and I just want it to end.
I am thankful... for my family and the support of so many wonderful friends. They always seem to be there for me just when I need them.
I am praying...for relief from financial strains, good health and well-being for all, may the poor victims in Haiti be delivered from their suffering. Maybe that's too broad...I don't know. Everyone needs a prayer from time to time. And for all the worry warts out there...stop worrying about the things you have no control over...life will pass you by way too fast and you will be left with too many regrets.
I am reading... The Story of Edgar Sawtelle. Thank you Oprah. It's a good book but so fricking long. I will get through it but there are other things that need to be done first.
I am creating... the greatest work of art known to man. Ha. I wish. I am working on my novel though and much more steadily than I have in the past. It will get finished this year.
From the kitchen...there is nothing. I can't even smell the coffee anymore even though it was just made. The pot is silent, the water tap is not dripping. It's pretty darn quiet.
Around the house... the cat is sleeping on my bed. My daughter is playing quietly with her blocks and the TV is tuned to Treehouse. I think Toot and Puddle just ended. There are little knocks and rattles coming from my daughters bedroom as she finds another toy to drag into the middle of the living room.
One of my favorite things... spring. I want spring back really bad. The warmth, sunshine and just all round good vibes the season brings. Love it, love it, love it.
A few plans for the rest of the week... work a few days, get some passport photos taken for me and my daughter...then go to the passport office to get the paperwork sent in. Then just wait. Hopefully it warms a little this week so I can go out and do something with my daughter.
Big Boo Boo
Well, technically I missed posting for Sunday but it's close enough still that perhaps my readers will forgive me. Huh, they probably wouldn't even have noticed if I hadn't just pointed it out. But if you care, I will tell you the reason for my tardiness. It's my own fault, should know better...but alas, everyone slips up now and again and we have to pay the consequences.
Over the past few months we have been making every effort to make sure that Julianne goes to sleep at a reasonable hour. Unfortunately that means limiting her naps during the day. Don't get me wrong, it's not like she gets 2 or 3 naps a day and we had to cut them back. What I mean is not letting her nap any more than an hour. Just enough for her to be rested but not so much that she stays awake until 10, 11 or 12 at night.
It's been working well too. Hubby has been slipping up more than I have which is annoying in itself because he goes to bed early every night so guess who gets to stay up with her most of the time. But today it was my mistake. She was tired, rubbing her eyes and starting to get cranky so around 1:30 this afternoon I put her down for a nap which she accepted with a lot of grace. The plan was to let her sleep no later than 3, which is my usual rule. But what do I do...after getting her snug in bed, browsing the internet, having a late lunch...I fricking fall asleep in the chair. And it's a comfy chair. Too comfy. And guess what time I managed to wake from my slumber?
5 o'clock in the evening.
Thank goodness I had supper bubbling away in the slow cooker and hubby wouldn't be home until around 6 or 6:30 so there was still plenty of time to get the rest of dinner prepared before he got home.
So in my groggy state I realize that Julianne has not made a peep, or I would have been awake a lot sooner. This is not alarming to me anymore, like during her first year of life when I checked on her every few hours just to make sure she was still breathing. But I was surprised that she was so quiet. I expected her to be sitting there patiently waiting for me to come and fetch her, but nope...she was still asleep. Was even a little difficult to wake her. Then to try and make myself feel less guilty I tell myself she must have really needed it, which is probably true but I guess I really needed it too. In case you didn't know, I don't sleep well at night, or anytime for that matter, so a few hours of sleep even if it's during the day is a welcomed break.
Of course I had to pay for it later.
We put her down around 9. I was praying that by some stroke of luck she would be tired enough to just doze right off to la la land. But nope, my prayers were not answered this day. She cried and cried and cried. I think she was trying to tell me something.
So after awhile I got her back up and just rocked with her for awhile in the comfy chair. She didn't fall asleep, she did try and wriggle away, did try to pick my nose, giggled when I looked at her, waved at the cat when she came in the room, stole the remote control...and the list really does go on. Mind you this wasn't all at once. In between many of these little events she actually did put her head on my shoulder and close her eyes for brief moments.
Finally, barely an hour ago, I could tell she was tired enough so I tried to put her down to sleep again...and we have success.
Now if only I could go to sleep.
Over the past few months we have been making every effort to make sure that Julianne goes to sleep at a reasonable hour. Unfortunately that means limiting her naps during the day. Don't get me wrong, it's not like she gets 2 or 3 naps a day and we had to cut them back. What I mean is not letting her nap any more than an hour. Just enough for her to be rested but not so much that she stays awake until 10, 11 or 12 at night.
It's been working well too. Hubby has been slipping up more than I have which is annoying in itself because he goes to bed early every night so guess who gets to stay up with her most of the time. But today it was my mistake. She was tired, rubbing her eyes and starting to get cranky so around 1:30 this afternoon I put her down for a nap which she accepted with a lot of grace. The plan was to let her sleep no later than 3, which is my usual rule. But what do I do...after getting her snug in bed, browsing the internet, having a late lunch...I fricking fall asleep in the chair. And it's a comfy chair. Too comfy. And guess what time I managed to wake from my slumber?
5 o'clock in the evening.
Thank goodness I had supper bubbling away in the slow cooker and hubby wouldn't be home until around 6 or 6:30 so there was still plenty of time to get the rest of dinner prepared before he got home.
So in my groggy state I realize that Julianne has not made a peep, or I would have been awake a lot sooner. This is not alarming to me anymore, like during her first year of life when I checked on her every few hours just to make sure she was still breathing. But I was surprised that she was so quiet. I expected her to be sitting there patiently waiting for me to come and fetch her, but nope...she was still asleep. Was even a little difficult to wake her. Then to try and make myself feel less guilty I tell myself she must have really needed it, which is probably true but I guess I really needed it too. In case you didn't know, I don't sleep well at night, or anytime for that matter, so a few hours of sleep even if it's during the day is a welcomed break.
Of course I had to pay for it later.
We put her down around 9. I was praying that by some stroke of luck she would be tired enough to just doze right off to la la land. But nope, my prayers were not answered this day. She cried and cried and cried. I think she was trying to tell me something.
So after awhile I got her back up and just rocked with her for awhile in the comfy chair. She didn't fall asleep, she did try and wriggle away, did try to pick my nose, giggled when I looked at her, waved at the cat when she came in the room, stole the remote control...and the list really does go on. Mind you this wasn't all at once. In between many of these little events she actually did put her head on my shoulder and close her eyes for brief moments.
Finally, barely an hour ago, I could tell she was tired enough so I tried to put her down to sleep again...and we have success.
Now if only I could go to sleep.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Amid the chaos and tantrums, while you question your sanity, wonder what the hell you were thinking, there comes a moment of clarity. Those brief moments when you are reminded just why you went through the pain and torture of child birth to bring this little being into the world appear just in time. You are at your wits end, want to scream, throw something, run as far away as possible...but then...that precious little child does something cute...gives you a hug or a kiss for no reason, just wants to be held for a few minutes, starts dancing to a favorite song, gets excited over the cat entering the room...and you can't help but smile. Or even tear up a little. These are the moments that make it all worthwhile.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Best Blog I Have Seen Yet
This seriously is the funniest blog I have seen yet. If you are not already following, I really suggest you do. I should have posted the lovely words that are streaming from my fingers earlier but I got so wrapped up in this blog that I couldn't stop reading. Now it is almost midnight and I really needed to get my post in for today. Remember I am trying to post everyday? Well I think I already missed one this month but...WTF...who cares. This is funny.
WOTW *WARNING: PG13
This blog contains language/content that may not be suitable for all readers.
Reader discretion is advised but really not recommended.
In other words, if you can't handle a little foul language or a woman just telling it like she sees it, you should still check it out. http://www.bloggess.com/
*WOTW = Writing on the Wall*
WOTW *WARNING: PG13
This blog contains language/content that may not be suitable for all readers.
Reader discretion is advised but really not recommended.
In other words, if you can't handle a little foul language or a woman just telling it like she sees it, you should still check it out. http://www.bloggess.com/
*WOTW = Writing on the Wall*
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Tomorrow is Another Day
A demon has possessed my daughter.
Ok, no need to call an exorcist, YET. But she is the most miserable I have seen her in...EVER.
Seemed like a normal morning, she was happy, but hardly ate any breakfast. Then she threw it on the floor in a fit.
SHe drank, she laid on my lap, all seemed fine. Until I left the room to do something and it started all again. And she wouldn't listen to reason. Alright, I shouldn't expect her to listen to reason quite yet, but oh how I wish she would.
I gave her a snack and a drink and she was happy. For a few minutes.
Until I had to change her diaper again...and try to get some regular clothes on her. Complete and total chaos. Rolling, kicking, screaming, punching, scratching, you name it, she was attacking. She did not want the pants on that was for sure.
Her head was warm but I am not sure if it's a fever or if she is ready to explode because she is so frickin' angry today. Waiting for her to relax a little so I can check.
In her room now, she's quiet but I can hear her kicking the wall. This is a frequent thing, until she puts a hole in the wall. I guess that is the point that the crib goes in the middle of the room.
It's on these types of days that bad thoughts trickle into my thoughts. Those thoughts that the doctors and nurses warn you about post-partum. But they last only a second. And poof, are gone. I try to hold her to calm her, and it works for a bit but then it gets too much.
These are the days I question my sanity. Question decisions I've made, decisions I'm going to make, everything.
I dont' drink much so I can't drink away the pain, maybe just a sip to take the edge off...is that the wrong reason to drink? Well I can't even if I wanted to.
Only thing left is to officially find the sanitarium that I would like to voluntarily commit myself to, or if worse comes to worse, my husband can have me committed. See, it's in writing so that should hold up in court. Right?
*sigh* Tomorrow is another day.
Ok, no need to call an exorcist, YET. But she is the most miserable I have seen her in...EVER.
Seemed like a normal morning, she was happy, but hardly ate any breakfast. Then she threw it on the floor in a fit.
SHe drank, she laid on my lap, all seemed fine. Until I left the room to do something and it started all again. And she wouldn't listen to reason. Alright, I shouldn't expect her to listen to reason quite yet, but oh how I wish she would.
I gave her a snack and a drink and she was happy. For a few minutes.
Until I had to change her diaper again...and try to get some regular clothes on her. Complete and total chaos. Rolling, kicking, screaming, punching, scratching, you name it, she was attacking. She did not want the pants on that was for sure.
Her head was warm but I am not sure if it's a fever or if she is ready to explode because she is so frickin' angry today. Waiting for her to relax a little so I can check.
In her room now, she's quiet but I can hear her kicking the wall. This is a frequent thing, until she puts a hole in the wall. I guess that is the point that the crib goes in the middle of the room.
It's on these types of days that bad thoughts trickle into my thoughts. Those thoughts that the doctors and nurses warn you about post-partum. But they last only a second. And poof, are gone. I try to hold her to calm her, and it works for a bit but then it gets too much.
These are the days I question my sanity. Question decisions I've made, decisions I'm going to make, everything.
I dont' drink much so I can't drink away the pain, maybe just a sip to take the edge off...is that the wrong reason to drink? Well I can't even if I wanted to.
Only thing left is to officially find the sanitarium that I would like to voluntarily commit myself to, or if worse comes to worse, my husband can have me committed. See, it's in writing so that should hold up in court. Right?
*sigh* Tomorrow is another day.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Revelations
Over the last couple of days I have learned some really interesting information about myself. Well it's interesting to me at least. Things that I always knew were there but for some reason never paid much attention to them, or thought they were normal. As it turns out, my thought processes are not normal. Well, I shouldn't say normal because normal is open to perception. They have been normal for me, but after some revelation realize what's normal for me is not necessarily normal for someone else.
1) I am a fairly chaotic thinker but a very linear doer.
2) I like organization and structure far more than just 'winging it'. Although I do enjoy spontaneity. (sp)
3) Just like reading a book, when I write it's from beginning to end. Kind of makes me realize why I keep getting blocked when writing something of a larger scale.
4) I enjoy reading books written in first person point of view much more than third person point of view, but yet when I write it's almost always in third person. Unless it's a personal essay or something and then it's obviously in first person. And my blog is in first person. I think when it comes to writing, I am too afraid to have so much of myself in the story when it is meant to be fiction.
5) I am a walking, living, breathing contradiction, but I am not flaky. I am easily swayed though to another person's thinking if it's not something I firmly believe in.
1) I am a fairly chaotic thinker but a very linear doer.
2) I like organization and structure far more than just 'winging it'. Although I do enjoy spontaneity. (sp)
3) Just like reading a book, when I write it's from beginning to end. Kind of makes me realize why I keep getting blocked when writing something of a larger scale.
4) I enjoy reading books written in first person point of view much more than third person point of view, but yet when I write it's almost always in third person. Unless it's a personal essay or something and then it's obviously in first person. And my blog is in first person. I think when it comes to writing, I am too afraid to have so much of myself in the story when it is meant to be fiction.
5) I am a walking, living, breathing contradiction, but I am not flaky. I am easily swayed though to another person's thinking if it's not something I firmly believe in.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Olympic Torch Comes Through Calgary
It was an interesting sight, but one that lasted all of 5 minutes and then was over. Funny how people will stand on the streets for an hour prior just to view something that is over in a matter of seconds.
And don't even get me started on some of the dedicated citizens of our great city. Cops patrolled by asking people to stand back...oh good, maybe now I will get a good view of the relay. But no, the second the cops were past, big tall men would stand in my way again...and I am short. Not so short that they can't see me standing there with my camera trying to get a shot, but short enough that I am completely disregarded in a matter of seconds. Particular man in question had even asked me a few minutes earlier if I could see. How thoughtful...but he must have alzheimers cause 10 seconds later he forgets what he just asked. Sheesh.
Oh, well, I did manage to get a decent shot.
Another first for me, was actually seeing the flame on the top of the Calgary Tower lit up. This is done very rarely and in the few times that it has been done, I have never had the chance to see it. But tonight I had to venture close to downtown and had a pretty good view. I know it's far away, but if you look real close, in the background you will see the flame on top of the tower. I had more close up pictures but this is the only one that came out relatively clear.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
I think I am obsessed with the vaccuum cleaner. Well today at least. I just can't seem to get the carpet clean enough and then when I think I am just about there, Julianne drops some crumbs on the floor and I have to turn around and do it again. It could have something to do with the new vaccuum cleaner we bought just before Christmas. I am SOOOO happy with it. We have short carpets on our floors and no matter how low I adjusted our old vaccuum I just couldn't get it to pick up much of anything. The new one is from heaven, I am sure of it. It picks up EVERYTHING. And I mean everything. No problems trying to suck up my slippers, Julianne's toys, the cord if I happen to run over it. It is a SUPER sucker and it is my new best friend.
I could never be a hoarder. I watch the program on A&E every Monday evening and I just want to climb through the television and give these people a shake and clean up their house. (Well there are some you couldn't pay me enough to get anywhere near) but the 'not so bad' ones I just want to clean. How can anyone have that much STUFF? I would go crazy. I am already mildly claustrophobic, that much STUFF in my apartment I would lose it. But I do understand it's a form of OCD and not as easy to overcome as it would seem, but the point is, that is not me. Not even frickin' close.
When I was in my early 20's I dated this guy for quite a long time, we had moved in together but after a few months moved into his parent's home. His mom had a roommate and by all outward appearances upon first walking into the home you would never think there was a problem. But then you go to the basement and OMG. A path had to be made to get anywhere. The laundry room, the basement door, the wood stove. It was ridiculous. I wouldn't have classified her as a hoarder so much as a chronically disorganized person. The only other rooms that suffered as much as the basement were her bedroom and the kitchen. The kitchen was so bad that you wouldn't have wanted to cook in there. Any time you did, it had to be thoroughly cleaned first. I think that's why today I have a phobia of messy kitchens.
I am not a neat freak, not even close, but I am pretty organized and tidy. I like a lived in look, not a sterile look, and not a garbage dump look. I think it's safe to say I fall into the middle somewhere. I hate housework like anyone else, but some days get a little obsessed.
Today is one of those days.
I could never be a hoarder. I watch the program on A&E every Monday evening and I just want to climb through the television and give these people a shake and clean up their house. (Well there are some you couldn't pay me enough to get anywhere near) but the 'not so bad' ones I just want to clean. How can anyone have that much STUFF? I would go crazy. I am already mildly claustrophobic, that much STUFF in my apartment I would lose it. But I do understand it's a form of OCD and not as easy to overcome as it would seem, but the point is, that is not me. Not even frickin' close.
When I was in my early 20's I dated this guy for quite a long time, we had moved in together but after a few months moved into his parent's home. His mom had a roommate and by all outward appearances upon first walking into the home you would never think there was a problem. But then you go to the basement and OMG. A path had to be made to get anywhere. The laundry room, the basement door, the wood stove. It was ridiculous. I wouldn't have classified her as a hoarder so much as a chronically disorganized person. The only other rooms that suffered as much as the basement were her bedroom and the kitchen. The kitchen was so bad that you wouldn't have wanted to cook in there. Any time you did, it had to be thoroughly cleaned first. I think that's why today I have a phobia of messy kitchens.
I am not a neat freak, not even close, but I am pretty organized and tidy. I like a lived in look, not a sterile look, and not a garbage dump look. I think it's safe to say I fall into the middle somewhere. I hate housework like anyone else, but some days get a little obsessed.
Today is one of those days.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Not much beats a quiet evening in the living room, laptop strategically perched, rhythmically tapping out the next genius blog and savouring the aroma of a nice mug of hot chocolate, reveling in the warmth as it drizzles down your throat. In the background Roberto Luongo and his Vancouver Canucks are giving Sydney Crosby and the Pittsburg Penguins a royal ass-whooping. Really...nothing could be better.
But it's on these quiet evenings, even with the distraction of a fabulous hockey game, that I tend to sit and think about some of the things that really chaffe my ass. Like tight underwear, riding up where they don't belong. I think about things that are just plain unfair and even though they are things of the past, sometimes they find their way back to the forefront of my thoughts. Usually there is a trigger. A conversation with someone, something seen on TV or in the news or on the internet.
This time it was based on a conversation. One that I tried to dismiss but nevertheless it remains with me.
When we are children we dream of that big fancy wedding, having a nice house with a house full of children. You imagine the day that you finally find out you are pregnant, because it's what you wanted, maybe a little sooner than expected or planned, but wanted nonetheless. You are so full of excitement, anticipation, fear of the unknown and you just want to share that with your friends and family. So you start the task of telling all the people you are close to, that matter to you, waiting for them to share in your joy, expecting them to be happy for you. And most of them are. Most of them are thrilled for you, excited, supportive. But then there comes the one that just can't say anything good. The one that you would have expected to be the happiest, the one that is supposed to be more supportive than anyone else. But nothing good comes from that person's mouth. Not even the slightest joy in the moment, no congratulations, nothing. Instead, through harsh words you are brought to tears in an already stressful and unknown situation and they show none of the support that should have been there. It takes months for this person to finally come around, essentially not happening until the birth of that precious little bundle. I can never tell my daughter that initially this person never wanted her to be born. Someone that she should grow extremely close to in the coming years.
And then...to make matters worse, the talk of there potentially being another one at some point in the future, brings about almost the same reaction. Although I ask for there not to be a reaction like that, I am told that if I don't want a reaction like that, then I will probably get complete silence as this person tries to bite their tongue. Is this fair? I say no. And it hurts more than you can imagine...even after proving that it has been fine so far with the first one, I am threatened with the same reaction if it were to happen again. If it's a threat to try and make me change my mind, it's not going to work. It saddens and angers me all at the same time.
It brings up the idea of never telling this person until I have to. Like the day I give birth. That's certainly not how it's supposed to be. I know there will be plenty of other people that will be more than happy for us when the time comes and it will come. Because I make my own decisions, along with my husband, on what is best for us and what we want. Not what one person thinks we should or shouldn't do.
It's amazing though how even though you have hundreds of people that are purely elated and share in your joy, just one person can deflate your mood in an instant. You can't really blame someone for not wanting to go there again. Maybe if it was negativity from someone not so important it wouldn't hurt so much, you would just brush it off and say whatever and carry on. But that is not a luxury I have.
I know this person will read this post...and I just hope that maybe something will sink in a little about how much this hurts, even though I have said it before and it seems to have gone ignored.
But it's on these quiet evenings, even with the distraction of a fabulous hockey game, that I tend to sit and think about some of the things that really chaffe my ass. Like tight underwear, riding up where they don't belong. I think about things that are just plain unfair and even though they are things of the past, sometimes they find their way back to the forefront of my thoughts. Usually there is a trigger. A conversation with someone, something seen on TV or in the news or on the internet.
This time it was based on a conversation. One that I tried to dismiss but nevertheless it remains with me.
When we are children we dream of that big fancy wedding, having a nice house with a house full of children. You imagine the day that you finally find out you are pregnant, because it's what you wanted, maybe a little sooner than expected or planned, but wanted nonetheless. You are so full of excitement, anticipation, fear of the unknown and you just want to share that with your friends and family. So you start the task of telling all the people you are close to, that matter to you, waiting for them to share in your joy, expecting them to be happy for you. And most of them are. Most of them are thrilled for you, excited, supportive. But then there comes the one that just can't say anything good. The one that you would have expected to be the happiest, the one that is supposed to be more supportive than anyone else. But nothing good comes from that person's mouth. Not even the slightest joy in the moment, no congratulations, nothing. Instead, through harsh words you are brought to tears in an already stressful and unknown situation and they show none of the support that should have been there. It takes months for this person to finally come around, essentially not happening until the birth of that precious little bundle. I can never tell my daughter that initially this person never wanted her to be born. Someone that she should grow extremely close to in the coming years.
And then...to make matters worse, the talk of there potentially being another one at some point in the future, brings about almost the same reaction. Although I ask for there not to be a reaction like that, I am told that if I don't want a reaction like that, then I will probably get complete silence as this person tries to bite their tongue. Is this fair? I say no. And it hurts more than you can imagine...even after proving that it has been fine so far with the first one, I am threatened with the same reaction if it were to happen again. If it's a threat to try and make me change my mind, it's not going to work. It saddens and angers me all at the same time.
It brings up the idea of never telling this person until I have to. Like the day I give birth. That's certainly not how it's supposed to be. I know there will be plenty of other people that will be more than happy for us when the time comes and it will come. Because I make my own decisions, along with my husband, on what is best for us and what we want. Not what one person thinks we should or shouldn't do.
It's amazing though how even though you have hundreds of people that are purely elated and share in your joy, just one person can deflate your mood in an instant. You can't really blame someone for not wanting to go there again. Maybe if it was negativity from someone not so important it wouldn't hurt so much, you would just brush it off and say whatever and carry on. But that is not a luxury I have.
I know this person will read this post...and I just hope that maybe something will sink in a little about how much this hurts, even though I have said it before and it seems to have gone ignored.
Friday, January 15, 2010
A few things have transpired the last couple of days that I am just now getting the chance to write about.
Julianne peed in her potty the other day. Granted it was completely by accident, after me quickly putting her there when she started to pee on the floor, but the point is she actually got some where it was supposed to go. And she was so pleased with herself. Precious little girl!
Second...it looks like a trip to Holland is in the cards this year after all. Hubby just got a promotion at work that came with a HUGE raise. Totally not what either of us was expecting. After a year of no raises at work due to the recession that has hit EVERYWHERE we knew one was coming...but not when nor how much. But much to our surprise it was earlier than anticipated and grander than we could have imagined. So we are planning a trip so that Julianne's Oma can actually see her granddaughter in the flesh for the first time. And other relatives too.
I hate planning trips. So much to take care of before we can go anywhere. I need a new passport and Julianne NEEDS a passport. So that will be the first thing we take care of. Then to actually figure out when would be a good time to go. The cheapest flight we have found so far is in May. A little sooner than I would have liked but we'll see how it pans out. Seems it's MUCH cheaper if we go before Juliannne turns 2. Otherwise we have to pay for a seat for her and although it's not full price it's still pretty damn expensive.
But life is good and all things will work out the way they are supposed to.
Julianne peed in her potty the other day. Granted it was completely by accident, after me quickly putting her there when she started to pee on the floor, but the point is she actually got some where it was supposed to go. And she was so pleased with herself. Precious little girl!
Second...it looks like a trip to Holland is in the cards this year after all. Hubby just got a promotion at work that came with a HUGE raise. Totally not what either of us was expecting. After a year of no raises at work due to the recession that has hit EVERYWHERE we knew one was coming...but not when nor how much. But much to our surprise it was earlier than anticipated and grander than we could have imagined. So we are planning a trip so that Julianne's Oma can actually see her granddaughter in the flesh for the first time. And other relatives too.
I hate planning trips. So much to take care of before we can go anywhere. I need a new passport and Julianne NEEDS a passport. So that will be the first thing we take care of. Then to actually figure out when would be a good time to go. The cheapest flight we have found so far is in May. A little sooner than I would have liked but we'll see how it pans out. Seems it's MUCH cheaper if we go before Juliannne turns 2. Otherwise we have to pay for a seat for her and although it's not full price it's still pretty damn expensive.
But life is good and all things will work out the way they are supposed to.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
The Lovely Bones
So thanks to some wonderful colleagues I was given passes to see an advanced screening of The Lovely Bones. Directed by Peter Jackson of Lord of the Rings fame and starring Mark Wahlberg, Rachel Weisz, Susan Sarandon and a relatively large cast of rising stars, unknowns to me, but maybe well known to others.
The movie is based on the novel of the same name by Alice Sebold and is told from the point of view of Suzie Salmon, murdered at 14 years old by a neighborhood pedophile. Suzie is in an "in between place" between heaven and earth and watches while her father searches desperately for her murderer, her family falls apart, friends come together...all because of her.
While the movie started off strong and left the viewer with the belief that you were about to witness something great...it faltered part way through. The desperation of a grief stricken father lacked conviction and determination, the outcome did not live up to the expectations of the beginning and the middle...to put it bluntly...was just wierd. While some of the graphics and special effects used to create the "in between" were absolutely stunning, there were a lot of areas that were just completely pointless and added nothing to the story.
I found myself very disappointed that there was not more interaction with Suzie post-mortem and her family. I am a huge believer in ghosts and the supernatural so if somehow she had been more involved in helping her family find her killer, I would have believed it and enjoyed it far more.
And the ending, was just unsatisfying.
I am not a movie critic...this is just my opinion...but if I were to rate this movie on a scale of 1-5, it gets a 3.
With that said, I will probably watch it again when it's on video but my next task is going to be to read the book. I have the feeling that I will be much more satisfied with how it was intended.
View Trailer
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Verbiage
Every night I am always thinking ahead to what I am going to blog about the next day. Sometimes I get a great idea and then by morning I have either forgotten about it or something else comes up that seems more interesting. Last night, as I got into the bath to finally take care of my other feminine hygiene obligations, to mow the forest where my legs should have been, I was thinking about how easy life was when we were children, no responsibilites except to decide what toy to play with the next day. We were taken care of by our parents, didn't have to worry how we were going to pay the rent or where the next meal was going to come from. Before we cared what other people thought of us and the despair of not 'fitting in'.
And then...I wake this morning and with cup of coffee in hand sit down to read new posts by the bloggers that I follow. Much to my surprise, and delight, Apryl at So F*cking Fabulous I Piss Glitter said almost what I was thinking in what was probably a much more creative way than I could have come up with. Even though she said I could still write about it too, I am gonna let her have this one. ;)
But now, I am left with trying to figure out something creative and interesting to blog about. So much pressure! I can feel you just waiting in anticipation of what next great piece of verbiage I am going to come up with.
I could write about my daughter and how much she loves to brush her own teeth. She gets mad if we try to do it for her but we know at 16 months she is most definitely not doing it properly. Oh she has the front brushing down pat, but doesn't get the back ones or behind very well.
Or I could write about the fact that all I can smell right now is poop and I don't know where it's coming from. There are no dirty diapers sitting out, at least not that I can see...and I am pretty sure I washed my hands...so where the heck is it coming from? Not on the bottom of my shoes, not on my clothes. And I did shower this morning. I frickin' hate mystery smells.
The temper tantrum princess is having some quiet time in her bedroom right now, but it's not so quiet. She is moaning and whining, little bursts of frustration waft from her bedroom...and I will not give in. I am on to her little games and God-willing, will put a stop to it early. It's probably just wishful thinking, but a girl can dream can't she?
So see, I just don't have much to write about now. You could just mosey on over to Apryl's blog and have a boo at what I was essentially thinking...but was too slow to the punch.
Great minds think alike!!!!!!
Enjoy your day!
And then...I wake this morning and with cup of coffee in hand sit down to read new posts by the bloggers that I follow. Much to my surprise, and delight, Apryl at So F*cking Fabulous I Piss Glitter said almost what I was thinking in what was probably a much more creative way than I could have come up with. Even though she said I could still write about it too, I am gonna let her have this one. ;)
But now, I am left with trying to figure out something creative and interesting to blog about. So much pressure! I can feel you just waiting in anticipation of what next great piece of verbiage I am going to come up with.
I could write about my daughter and how much she loves to brush her own teeth. She gets mad if we try to do it for her but we know at 16 months she is most definitely not doing it properly. Oh she has the front brushing down pat, but doesn't get the back ones or behind very well.
Or I could write about the fact that all I can smell right now is poop and I don't know where it's coming from. There are no dirty diapers sitting out, at least not that I can see...and I am pretty sure I washed my hands...so where the heck is it coming from? Not on the bottom of my shoes, not on my clothes. And I did shower this morning. I frickin' hate mystery smells.
The temper tantrum princess is having some quiet time in her bedroom right now, but it's not so quiet. She is moaning and whining, little bursts of frustration waft from her bedroom...and I will not give in. I am on to her little games and God-willing, will put a stop to it early. It's probably just wishful thinking, but a girl can dream can't she?
So see, I just don't have much to write about now. You could just mosey on over to Apryl's blog and have a boo at what I was essentially thinking...but was too slow to the punch.
Great minds think alike!!!!!!
Enjoy your day!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Not So Smelly Anymore
There is a God!
A God of showers and smelly freshness.
You might recall my post of December 14th and not being able to shower the way I wanted to. I finally got to the point that I just couldn't take the constant sweaty, stinky odor that was me any longer. So thanks to some advice and research, I always do research...see how others have handled the same situation cause I know (or hope) I am not alone. The internet really does have an answer for everything.
Well, the solution that seems to have worked for me is to take my daughter into the shower with me. As it turns out, she actually likes it. Likes it a lot. It's funny though, she has this major aversion to getting water on her head and down her face, yet she is obsessed with standing under the stream of water as it runs off my boobs.
So, I am finally able to shower daily, and usually just shortly after waking up, and she gets a bathing too. But when one thing works out for the better, there is always something else that suffers. I now have a forest growing on my legs. I have not been able to find the time to take care of some of the other feminine hygiene routines. I would normally do this when I shower but now that's not possible unless I want a little shaving cream covered toddler.
And now, that I am sitting here writing about it, I realize I could just go do it right now.
A God of showers and smelly freshness.
You might recall my post of December 14th and not being able to shower the way I wanted to. I finally got to the point that I just couldn't take the constant sweaty, stinky odor that was me any longer. So thanks to some advice and research, I always do research...see how others have handled the same situation cause I know (or hope) I am not alone. The internet really does have an answer for everything.
Well, the solution that seems to have worked for me is to take my daughter into the shower with me. As it turns out, she actually likes it. Likes it a lot. It's funny though, she has this major aversion to getting water on her head and down her face, yet she is obsessed with standing under the stream of water as it runs off my boobs.
So, I am finally able to shower daily, and usually just shortly after waking up, and she gets a bathing too. But when one thing works out for the better, there is always something else that suffers. I now have a forest growing on my legs. I have not been able to find the time to take care of some of the other feminine hygiene routines. I would normally do this when I shower but now that's not possible unless I want a little shaving cream covered toddler.
And now, that I am sitting here writing about it, I realize I could just go do it right now.
Dearest Spammer,
I DO NOT wish to have my penis enlarged. I am quite satisfied with what I have been given but if that ever changes, although I am quite certain I will NOT call it Peter the Great, if I find myself suffering from erectile disfunction I know you are there to provide me with all the Viagra I may ever need. Even herbal varieties...who would have known.
I am not sure which married couple needs or wants to make their 'rocket' work every night, I know I don't have time for that shit...and I really think if anyone needs their tool repaired they should be seeking the assistance of a professional. But it relieves me to know that when I have overdosed on Viagra or Cialis and find myself with an erection lasting more than 4 hours, the pain unbearable, I can turn to you and know that Vicodin is within my reach. Cut out the middle man as you say and order my drugs online, delivered right to my door. Something tells me that I should keep the middle man, have the drugs actually prescribed because I fail to see an offering for NA. Surely after purchasing highly addictive drugs online I will need their support.
I won't even miss a meeting because I know I can get replica watches whenever I need them. The perfect fake watch. Sounds like an oxymoron but at least I would look stylish in my fake Rolex without ever having to venture downtown to find one.
I can simply sit at home listening to my IPOD, blogging on my laptop, watching TV, taking pictures of my family with all the products I have received from China that you so graciously offered me.
I can ride in style to my meetings on the new motorcycle (also from China) and never get lost because I have that fancy GPS attached to the bike.
All in all, I want to thank you for making my life so much more pleasurable and easy. I can now just sit at home and get fatter, waiting for the newest weight loss gimic to be offered to me because I know you have it. I know I will see it soon.
BTW-I am still waiting for that inheritance from my long lost relative.
Sincerely,
Me
I DO NOT wish to have my penis enlarged. I am quite satisfied with what I have been given but if that ever changes, although I am quite certain I will NOT call it Peter the Great, if I find myself suffering from erectile disfunction I know you are there to provide me with all the Viagra I may ever need. Even herbal varieties...who would have known.
I am not sure which married couple needs or wants to make their 'rocket' work every night, I know I don't have time for that shit...and I really think if anyone needs their tool repaired they should be seeking the assistance of a professional. But it relieves me to know that when I have overdosed on Viagra or Cialis and find myself with an erection lasting more than 4 hours, the pain unbearable, I can turn to you and know that Vicodin is within my reach. Cut out the middle man as you say and order my drugs online, delivered right to my door. Something tells me that I should keep the middle man, have the drugs actually prescribed because I fail to see an offering for NA. Surely after purchasing highly addictive drugs online I will need their support.
I won't even miss a meeting because I know I can get replica watches whenever I need them. The perfect fake watch. Sounds like an oxymoron but at least I would look stylish in my fake Rolex without ever having to venture downtown to find one.
I can simply sit at home listening to my IPOD, blogging on my laptop, watching TV, taking pictures of my family with all the products I have received from China that you so graciously offered me.
I can ride in style to my meetings on the new motorcycle (also from China) and never get lost because I have that fancy GPS attached to the bike.
All in all, I want to thank you for making my life so much more pleasurable and easy. I can now just sit at home and get fatter, waiting for the newest weight loss gimic to be offered to me because I know you have it. I know I will see it soon.
BTW-I am still waiting for that inheritance from my long lost relative.
Sincerely,
Me
Monday, January 11, 2010
What Gives You The Right?
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you (Matthew 7:12).”
What many people don't know about me is that I can be a pretty nosy person. Not to the point that I work my way into other people's business uninvited, but rather to the degree that if I want to know something about someone I will flat out ask, even if it's of a personal nature because I have learned that people love to talk about themselve and will share just about anything if asked. If they don't want to share that information that's fine too, they will say so and I respect that.
But on the same note, I sometimes won't be that forthright. Instead I might lurk (bloggosphere term) and see what all the hype is about before saying anything, if I say anything at all, because sometimes I know when to keep my big mouth shut. And sometimes I don't. Sometimes my mouth runs away with me and words are out before I have really given it a lot of thought. Thankfully when you're blogging you have the luxury of being able to rethink what you're saying as you type it and the delete button is just inches away so you can take it back before you actually hit the post button.
At the same time, I would like to point out that I am not a religious person, but I am not unfamiliar with the bible either. The quote above is just something came to mind after reading some recent posts.
I am a huge advocate for freedom of speech and the right to have opinions. But what gives any person the right to judge another just because they don't happen to have the same opinion or feel as strongly about something?
In my recent 'lurkiness' I came across a site that has been ridiculed and labeled for voicing their opinions on certain issues. Granted after reading some of it, the author is very aggressive in her opinions and her commentors/supporters are really not much better. They are quick to judge and bad mouth others because their opinions are simply not what they believe.
The most recent post was the issue of euthanizing an animal/beloved pet, for the wrong reasons. Or what they believed to be the wrong reasons. Attacking others at the same time because they didn't feel quite the way they did. We will be on the verge of becoming a communist nation the day we only allow one person's opinion to matter.
I am not a supporter of euthanizing an animal just because you discover you can't take care of it after the fact or that the animal doesn't fit into your lifestyle any longer. There are definitely other ways to handle it. Finding a new home for the animal, a place that will love and take care of that animal just the way that you wanted to initially but found that it was not possible. But there is a fine line when your animal becomes ill. Do you spend the money to try and make the pet better or do you ease its suffering and have it euthanized?
I want to share a little story.
I grew up in a home with a lot of pets over time. But my father was of the opinion that if the pet did not fit into our life any more or we couldn't take it with us where ever we were going, he would have it put down without even trying to find it a new home. I hated this, but was too young to really have a voice. But I did vow that any pet I had in the future would be treated with the same respect as any other member of the family.
When I was 17 and had gone to live with my mom and step dad, we got a kitten. The most adorable little orange and white kitty, and so well behaved. The four kids loved that kitty, did everything for him and vowed to always take care of him. One day, while sitting in the living room, I witnessed the kitty have a seizure. It was one of the scariest things I have ever seen and I actually thought he was dead. But when the seizure stopped we discovered he was not dead but was now paralyzed. A parapalegic. Everything below his front legs did not work any more. I freaked, I cried and I begged my step dad to take him to the vet. But he wouldn't do it. Being the stubborn teen that I was, I wrapped the kitty up in a blanket, went to the neighbour and asked for a ride to the vet. The vet examined him and determined that there was nothing that could be done for him and euthanization was recommended. I didn't want to do that, but it didn't seem right to let the cat suffer either. I phoned my step dad, who was a little less than pleased that I had gone against him but he came and got me and paid the vet bill. But he refused to have the cat put down mainly because he didn't want to pay for it but I also think he didn't believe in euthanization either. We argued but I let him win that one because I guess I wanted to believe that we could still take care of this poor cat.
Over the coming weeks, the cat would move along the carpet, dragging his back legs to the point that the hair and skin on his legs became raw. We cleaned him and bandaged on a regular basis. But he didn't have any control over his bodily functions either. It was stressful and more inhumane than I could have imagined. It just didn't seem right.
One day the cat got outside as this was the life he was used to. And disappeared. We searched and searched to no avail. Really he couldn't have gotten very far but we could not find him. Days later, I returned from school and my mom informed me they had found the cat. It appeared that somehow he had tried to get down the patio stairs and had fallen through the stairs, landing in a bucket underneath. Because he had no function in his hind region he was unable to get out of the bucket. And then it rained.
I never forgave myself for allowing that to happen. If we had done what the vet recommended, if I had been stronger and stuck to my guns, he would have gone quietly, no suffering, no pain.
Today I have a cat. A beautiful, 9 year old, white ball of laziness. But she is my ball of laziness. And yes I consider her part of the family but she does have behavior issues. If she feels neglected or her litter box is not cleaned daily ( I think she believes she is a princess) she will retaliate by peeing on clothes that might have been left on the floor or peeing on the furniture. Both annoying and stinky. I had no problem cleaning up after her, resorting to being her lowly servant in order to make her happy...but when my daughter was born it became a different concern. A health concern. I still struggle with this today. My husband wants me to find a new home for her, I don't want to let her go because to me she is part of the family, bad behavior and all...but that does not give me the right to judge other people because they don't feel the same way.
She has behavior issues so trying to find her another home would be almost impossible, taking her to a shelter she would end up being put down anyway if she wasn't adopted and at her age the chances are unlikely. With such an over population of abandoned and abused animals, she would just be another casualty.
I think these people that are so quick to judge others who are trying to do the right thing, should save their judgements for the people that abuse their pets.
No one is perfect. We make decisions based on what is right for us. If you don't believe in something then don't do it, but don't judge others because they don't feel the same way you do.
What many people don't know about me is that I can be a pretty nosy person. Not to the point that I work my way into other people's business uninvited, but rather to the degree that if I want to know something about someone I will flat out ask, even if it's of a personal nature because I have learned that people love to talk about themselve and will share just about anything if asked. If they don't want to share that information that's fine too, they will say so and I respect that.
But on the same note, I sometimes won't be that forthright. Instead I might lurk (bloggosphere term) and see what all the hype is about before saying anything, if I say anything at all, because sometimes I know when to keep my big mouth shut. And sometimes I don't. Sometimes my mouth runs away with me and words are out before I have really given it a lot of thought. Thankfully when you're blogging you have the luxury of being able to rethink what you're saying as you type it and the delete button is just inches away so you can take it back before you actually hit the post button.
At the same time, I would like to point out that I am not a religious person, but I am not unfamiliar with the bible either. The quote above is just something came to mind after reading some recent posts.
I am a huge advocate for freedom of speech and the right to have opinions. But what gives any person the right to judge another just because they don't happen to have the same opinion or feel as strongly about something?
In my recent 'lurkiness' I came across a site that has been ridiculed and labeled for voicing their opinions on certain issues. Granted after reading some of it, the author is very aggressive in her opinions and her commentors/supporters are really not much better. They are quick to judge and bad mouth others because their opinions are simply not what they believe.
The most recent post was the issue of euthanizing an animal/beloved pet, for the wrong reasons. Or what they believed to be the wrong reasons. Attacking others at the same time because they didn't feel quite the way they did. We will be on the verge of becoming a communist nation the day we only allow one person's opinion to matter.
I am not a supporter of euthanizing an animal just because you discover you can't take care of it after the fact or that the animal doesn't fit into your lifestyle any longer. There are definitely other ways to handle it. Finding a new home for the animal, a place that will love and take care of that animal just the way that you wanted to initially but found that it was not possible. But there is a fine line when your animal becomes ill. Do you spend the money to try and make the pet better or do you ease its suffering and have it euthanized?
I want to share a little story.
I grew up in a home with a lot of pets over time. But my father was of the opinion that if the pet did not fit into our life any more or we couldn't take it with us where ever we were going, he would have it put down without even trying to find it a new home. I hated this, but was too young to really have a voice. But I did vow that any pet I had in the future would be treated with the same respect as any other member of the family.
When I was 17 and had gone to live with my mom and step dad, we got a kitten. The most adorable little orange and white kitty, and so well behaved. The four kids loved that kitty, did everything for him and vowed to always take care of him. One day, while sitting in the living room, I witnessed the kitty have a seizure. It was one of the scariest things I have ever seen and I actually thought he was dead. But when the seizure stopped we discovered he was not dead but was now paralyzed. A parapalegic. Everything below his front legs did not work any more. I freaked, I cried and I begged my step dad to take him to the vet. But he wouldn't do it. Being the stubborn teen that I was, I wrapped the kitty up in a blanket, went to the neighbour and asked for a ride to the vet. The vet examined him and determined that there was nothing that could be done for him and euthanization was recommended. I didn't want to do that, but it didn't seem right to let the cat suffer either. I phoned my step dad, who was a little less than pleased that I had gone against him but he came and got me and paid the vet bill. But he refused to have the cat put down mainly because he didn't want to pay for it but I also think he didn't believe in euthanization either. We argued but I let him win that one because I guess I wanted to believe that we could still take care of this poor cat.
Over the coming weeks, the cat would move along the carpet, dragging his back legs to the point that the hair and skin on his legs became raw. We cleaned him and bandaged on a regular basis. But he didn't have any control over his bodily functions either. It was stressful and more inhumane than I could have imagined. It just didn't seem right.
One day the cat got outside as this was the life he was used to. And disappeared. We searched and searched to no avail. Really he couldn't have gotten very far but we could not find him. Days later, I returned from school and my mom informed me they had found the cat. It appeared that somehow he had tried to get down the patio stairs and had fallen through the stairs, landing in a bucket underneath. Because he had no function in his hind region he was unable to get out of the bucket. And then it rained.
I never forgave myself for allowing that to happen. If we had done what the vet recommended, if I had been stronger and stuck to my guns, he would have gone quietly, no suffering, no pain.
Today I have a cat. A beautiful, 9 year old, white ball of laziness. But she is my ball of laziness. And yes I consider her part of the family but she does have behavior issues. If she feels neglected or her litter box is not cleaned daily ( I think she believes she is a princess) she will retaliate by peeing on clothes that might have been left on the floor or peeing on the furniture. Both annoying and stinky. I had no problem cleaning up after her, resorting to being her lowly servant in order to make her happy...but when my daughter was born it became a different concern. A health concern. I still struggle with this today. My husband wants me to find a new home for her, I don't want to let her go because to me she is part of the family, bad behavior and all...but that does not give me the right to judge other people because they don't feel the same way.
She has behavior issues so trying to find her another home would be almost impossible, taking her to a shelter she would end up being put down anyway if she wasn't adopted and at her age the chances are unlikely. With such an over population of abandoned and abused animals, she would just be another casualty.
I think these people that are so quick to judge others who are trying to do the right thing, should save their judgements for the people that abuse their pets.
No one is perfect. We make decisions based on what is right for us. If you don't believe in something then don't do it, but don't judge others because they don't feel the same way you do.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Whose Way Is Better?
We have more influence on our child's future than we may realize. Even just the small things, no matter how insignificant they may seem at the time, can completely alter the course of their lives, contribute to the choices they make.
Parenting styles vary from parent to parent. Is one any better than the other?
One parent weans their toddler off the bottle at a year as recommended by pediatricians, eliminate the pacifier soon thereafter, start with the potty training under two years old and make the change to a toddler or big kid bed by two years of age.
Another parent makes the switch from bottle to only solid food before the end of the first year, eliminate the pacifier around the same time or sooner, start potty training as early as possible and moves their child to a big bed the first time they fall or climb out of their cribs.
A third possibility yet...a parent doesn't put any limits on the child, just lets them keep the bottle as long as they want, still using it at almost 3 years old. If the bottle is still there, then the pacifier is there too. Keep them in the crib until they just can't fit anymore or is too heavy and doesn't even begin potty training until 3 years of age.
How different do you think these children will be? Are any one of these styles better than another? Will these methods have a particular impact on the child later?
I welcome your comments.
Friday, January 8, 2010
All The Things I Wanted To Do Before 30 But Was Afraid To Try
I can honestly say I have had no regrets in my life. I firmly believe that everything I did, be it good or bad, mistakes and choices, has made me the person I am today and without those circumstances that many could do without, I would not be the person I am today. Of course not all has been good. I have had struggles and those struggles continue today. But it gives you something to work towards. A better life, learning to make better choices. And I have no one to blame or congratulate but myself.
With that said, there should always be a desire, a drive, to do more. Push yourself out of that comfort zone to truly discover what you are made of. To that end I have now compiled a list of All The Things I Wanted To Do Before 30 But Was Afraid To Try. Because I am now in my mid-30's I will have to be content with now trying to complete these things before I turn 40.
In the making of this list I have discovered there are some new items. Things I didn't consider wanting to do before 30 but now would like to do before 40, so they too have made the list.
1. View an autopsy.
Now this could be considered morbid by some but it is something I have always wanted to do. Being a writer and sometimes writing about some dark topics, I always thought it was only common place to want to see how this is really done.
2. Write a novel.
I see this on most people's lists but that is not why it is on mine. This is something I have always wanted to do and have started many times but to date has remained unfinished for whatever reason. Through the help of a year long novel course I am taking starting on January 18th I hope to have this accomplished by the end of the year. First draft at least.
3. Quit smoking.
Ha...well...if you click over to my blog Out of the Smoky Haze you will find that I already started this attempt last year and am documenting all my successes, failures and smoking related stories.
4. Be financially self-sufficient & debt free.
Something I have been striving to do for so long but it just has not happened yet. It took me a long time to learn the importance behind this and now that I have I am making every effort to make it happen before it's too late.
5. Have another baby...maybe even two. NEW
Before 30 I couldn't even imagine having had one, but now that I have, I would like to have another. (I can almost hear the phone ringing already, "Hi Mom."
What many people don't know about me is that I have this absurd fascination with odd numbers. It seems unbalanced to me to have two children, it has to be three or remain at one. Or maybe it's the fact that even numbers are too balanced that I need a little tilt. Now this may not happen because I am not the only person in this decision, so I will probably have to find some way to feel balanced with two.
6. Lose the extra body fat.
A common goal of most women but a goal nonetheless. I have struggled with my weight most of my life. It's time to really start doing something about it.
7. Drive across Canada, stopping in every province along the way.
In my almost 35 years on this planet, I still have not seen what else this country has to offer. Sure I've seen pictures but it's not the same as being able to view it first hand. I have been to parts of the US, I have been to Europe, but when it comes to Canada, I have only set foot in British Columbia and Alberta. I know the country is huge and most people haven't seen much more than their own backyard, but I don't want to leave this planet without seeing the rest of the beauty that makes up Canada. Many have a desire to travel the world, I just want to travel the country.
8. Learn to speak dutch, fluently. NEW
My husband is dutch, straight from the land of windmills and tulips. His parents are dutch and speak very little english so every time they come to visit, or we go there, I cannot communicate with them any more than a few words I have picked up over the last few years or by sign language. If anything were ever to happen to my husband I could not talk to his parents over the phone. On the other hand, he does have two brothers and they both speak english very well, but it would be nice to be able to remove the middle men.
9. Write one short story a month for one year and submit to literary journals. NEW
I have been slacking on my writing over the past few years so I really want to try and commit to writing and submitting at least one short story a month, for 12 months.
10. Take a poetry class. NEW
I have written very little poetry in my life. I never seemed to get it. But recently I have this urge to try something different and see where it takes me. I have started to appreciate this literary form a little more so now would like to actually give it more of an effort and try for myself.
It's finally happening. It's actually kind of liberating to step out of your comfort zone every now and again. Even though I just started, I am crossing this off because I am certain I will complete this. Will be interesting to see if I really have it in me.
With that said, there should always be a desire, a drive, to do more. Push yourself out of that comfort zone to truly discover what you are made of. To that end I have now compiled a list of All The Things I Wanted To Do Before 30 But Was Afraid To Try. Because I am now in my mid-30's I will have to be content with now trying to complete these things before I turn 40.
In the making of this list I have discovered there are some new items. Things I didn't consider wanting to do before 30 but now would like to do before 40, so they too have made the list.
1. View an autopsy.
Now this could be considered morbid by some but it is something I have always wanted to do. Being a writer and sometimes writing about some dark topics, I always thought it was only common place to want to see how this is really done.
2. Write a novel.
I see this on most people's lists but that is not why it is on mine. This is something I have always wanted to do and have started many times but to date has remained unfinished for whatever reason. Through the help of a year long novel course I am taking starting on January 18th I hope to have this accomplished by the end of the year. First draft at least.
3. Quit smoking.
Ha...well...if you click over to my blog Out of the Smoky Haze you will find that I already started this attempt last year and am documenting all my successes, failures and smoking related stories.
4. Be financially self-sufficient & debt free.
Something I have been striving to do for so long but it just has not happened yet. It took me a long time to learn the importance behind this and now that I have I am making every effort to make it happen before it's too late.
5. Have another baby...maybe even two. NEW
Before 30 I couldn't even imagine having had one, but now that I have, I would like to have another. (I can almost hear the phone ringing already, "Hi Mom."
What many people don't know about me is that I have this absurd fascination with odd numbers. It seems unbalanced to me to have two children, it has to be three or remain at one. Or maybe it's the fact that even numbers are too balanced that I need a little tilt. Now this may not happen because I am not the only person in this decision, so I will probably have to find some way to feel balanced with two.
6. Lose the extra body fat.
A common goal of most women but a goal nonetheless. I have struggled with my weight most of my life. It's time to really start doing something about it.
7. Drive across Canada, stopping in every province along the way.
In my almost 35 years on this planet, I still have not seen what else this country has to offer. Sure I've seen pictures but it's not the same as being able to view it first hand. I have been to parts of the US, I have been to Europe, but when it comes to Canada, I have only set foot in British Columbia and Alberta. I know the country is huge and most people haven't seen much more than their own backyard, but I don't want to leave this planet without seeing the rest of the beauty that makes up Canada. Many have a desire to travel the world, I just want to travel the country.
8. Learn to speak dutch, fluently. NEW
My husband is dutch, straight from the land of windmills and tulips. His parents are dutch and speak very little english so every time they come to visit, or we go there, I cannot communicate with them any more than a few words I have picked up over the last few years or by sign language. If anything were ever to happen to my husband I could not talk to his parents over the phone. On the other hand, he does have two brothers and they both speak english very well, but it would be nice to be able to remove the middle men.
9. Write one short story a month for one year and submit to literary journals. NEW
I have been slacking on my writing over the past few years so I really want to try and commit to writing and submitting at least one short story a month, for 12 months.
It's finally happening. It's actually kind of liberating to step out of your comfort zone every now and again. Even though I just started, I am crossing this off because I am certain I will complete this. Will be interesting to see if I really have it in me.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Joining the Land of "The List"
Before I get into the real topic of this post this morning, I just want to say thanks to all the people that offered some positive words based on my post of yesterday. I will point out, the day did not get any better until late into the evening when said crazy daughter curled up in mommy's arms and snuggled until she was ready to go to bed. All the stresses of the day just melted away and I was reminded what this is all for. Why we choose to have children and what a great privilage it is to be allowed to raise and mold a child to adulthood.
I really have to thank one of my loyal readers (you know who you are, Mom :) ) for this link to tips on disciplining a toddler. in a positive way. Don't get me wrong, I have been a great advocate for offering praise when she does something good or accomplishes something and even when she listens when we tell her no, but my consistancy lacks.
I awoke this morning determined to be patient and to try being a positive role model to my child. So, as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes moms do have great advice.
Now in other news...the last couple of days I have spent a lot of time searching and reading other people's blogs. Some through links from other blog sites that I already follow and some just by hitting NEXT BLOG, found at the top of my screen. I happened across a blog awhile back, Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old and even though I am beyond the 20 somethings I find it interesting to read how current 20 somethings view life and what has changed if anything since I was there. So, upon following this blog for the past week, I was directed to another blog that has really struck my interest. Reinventing Sandy B The common thread is The List. Cheryl from Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old guest posted on Reinventing Sandy B with a list of all the things she wants to accomplish before she turns 30 and Sandy's whole purpose of her blog is to account for the things she wants to do before she turns 30. (Plus so much more. Very good read. I suggest you check it out.)
So, enters 'the list'.
Now many of you will say, "But Robin, it's too late to have a list of all the things you want to accomplish before you turn 30". And yes you would be right. I am already half way into my 30's so I thought of a different list.
All the Things I Wanted to Do Before 30 but Was Too Afraid to Try...So Now Before 40.
I still have to iron out some details and get all my thoughts in order, so I will compile and post this so called list soon. I just wanted to give you a heads up and maybe you want to compile your own list. No matter how old you are, you're never too old to have a list.
I really have to thank one of my loyal readers (you know who you are, Mom :) ) for this link to tips on disciplining a toddler. in a positive way. Don't get me wrong, I have been a great advocate for offering praise when she does something good or accomplishes something and even when she listens when we tell her no, but my consistancy lacks.
I awoke this morning determined to be patient and to try being a positive role model to my child. So, as much as I hate to admit it, sometimes moms do have great advice.
Now in other news...the last couple of days I have spent a lot of time searching and reading other people's blogs. Some through links from other blog sites that I already follow and some just by hitting NEXT BLOG, found at the top of my screen. I happened across a blog awhile back, Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old and even though I am beyond the 20 somethings I find it interesting to read how current 20 somethings view life and what has changed if anything since I was there. So, upon following this blog for the past week, I was directed to another blog that has really struck my interest. Reinventing Sandy B The common thread is The List. Cheryl from Confessions of a Twenty Something Year Old guest posted on Reinventing Sandy B with a list of all the things she wants to accomplish before she turns 30 and Sandy's whole purpose of her blog is to account for the things she wants to do before she turns 30. (Plus so much more. Very good read. I suggest you check it out.)
So, enters 'the list'.
Now many of you will say, "But Robin, it's too late to have a list of all the things you want to accomplish before you turn 30". And yes you would be right. I am already half way into my 30's so I thought of a different list.
All the Things I Wanted to Do Before 30 but Was Too Afraid to Try...So Now Before 40.
I still have to iron out some details and get all my thoughts in order, so I will compile and post this so called list soon. I just wanted to give you a heads up and maybe you want to compile your own list. No matter how old you are, you're never too old to have a list.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Not Enough Coffee In the World...
"Yesss...thank you." I awake again, still not sure if the body is ready to function, feeling sure that only a few minutes has passed. Much to my surprise, according to the evil that is the alarm clock, it is almost 11:30. WTF? Can that much time really have passed?
Julianne is still in her bed, quiet for the most part but as I listen I can tell she is awake. I drag myself out of bed and enter her room...to find her...oh for god's sake...completly declothed. Yep, naked. She has removed everything. Sleeper and diaper. And she is just smiling. In my sleepy haze I find the discarded diaper, by stepping on it, yep, thank you very much. Thank god there was no number 2 or this post would have a completely different tone, let me tell you.
Sooo, we get a fresh diaper on her and get her back in some clothes, but not without a lot of resistance. Fussing, moaning, rolling around, doing everything in her little power to squirm away from me, to avoid the confines of being clothed. But, mommy succeeds again, after all, even though I am still half asleep, I am stronger...not much mind you, not at this point anyway.
She runs off to the living room, I know she is in search of the next thing she can get her little hands on and it takes no time at all for her to find the object of her desire. My laptop. Which in my drunkenesque-like state from the night before, forgot to put away. Leaving it in the most easily accessible spot for her to get her hands on. And get her hands on it she does. Unplugs the mouse, and with a phlumph it falls to the floor.
In that haze between grogginess and fully awake I try to form an action plan in my head. Try to prioritize what needs to be done in a short time. This proves to be more difficult than I imagined. She needs breakfast, I NEED coffee, I need to get my laptop away from her, I need to get her something to drink, I need, I need, I need...for her to stop touching everything. The TV, the stereo, the computer, climbing the back of the chair until she is ready to go ass over tea kettle, head first on to the floor. The only thing she is not doing is climbing the f'ing walls. And I am sure if she could she would. It's been barely 10 minutes and I am exhausted.
Ok, Robin, take a deep breath and think. Coffee...yep, the coffee is coming first. The laptop is on the floor and it's closed so she can't open it anyway, she is off the chair and trying to turn on the TV, something she does all the time anyway, so my coffee comes first. Then I will get her food. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first even if it's only with the slightest action.
Alright, she is eating, I have coffee, I am trying to read recently updated blogs and check my email. She hits the power button and the computer slowly begins to shut down. I want to scream, I want to throw the computer against the wall, but I take another deep breath, let the computer come back on, and try not to throw glare darts at my daughter, although they would completely miss her anyway.
I am on to my third cup of coffee this morning as I write this and she has removed everything from the front closet, brought out almost all of her toys, ran her car into the Christmas tree and then tried to give the tree a hug (thank god that thing is coming down today, screw epiphany), opened the dishwasher and began to remove the dishes, thank god they are clean.
I am quickly realizing there is not a enough coffee in the world to get me through this day and why the hell did I choose now to try and quit smoking?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Stupidity of Humans
Ok, I just had to post this because I can't stop being amazed by the complete stupidity of some people. There is this couple that live in the building across from me. They are a young couple, probably in their early 20's. As most young adults they are probably ecstatic that they even own a vehicle of their own but when vehicles break down or something goes wrong, the general consensus is to have it fixed right? Well not these two. They own an older model Ford Explorer and the SUV doesn't go in reverse. So each morning (or whenever they have to go somewhere) they have to push it out of their parking stall. Wouldn't seem so bad except that we have a good accumulation of snow at the moment so pushing a vehicle is not easy. Just a few minutes ago I watched, trying not to laugh, at 4 people trying to push this truck out of their parking stall. They couldn't do it so another neighbour came to help and finally they got it out a bit. Still not really enough room to be able to go forward. But as luck would have it, one of the people helping them just had to move their own vehicle so that the truck could easily be driven forward and out.
The real kicker here is that this kid works for a car dealership. Surely he could get someone there to fix his truck for a reasonable price. Good grief! The trouble some people put themselves through just to save a little money.
I wanted to take a picture to post but thought it would be kind of rude to do so while they were struggling so much. What is that saying...one man's grief is another man's joy...or something like that? So I have to be content with just telling you about it.
The real kicker here is that this kid works for a car dealership. Surely he could get someone there to fix his truck for a reasonable price. Good grief! The trouble some people put themselves through just to save a little money.
I wanted to take a picture to post but thought it would be kind of rude to do so while they were struggling so much. What is that saying...one man's grief is another man's joy...or something like that? So I have to be content with just telling you about it.
I've Had An Epiphany
Epiphany: A divine manifestation; the twelve days after Christmas that commemorates the three wise men visiting Jesus.
Don't I feel like a schlub.
You may recall my post of January 3 about wanting to take down the Christmas tree NOW but hubby wanting to wait until January 6. With it being some made up 'tradition' or whatever. Well d'uh...of course it's a tradition...and it's a tradition across much of Canada too, not just Holland as I originallly suggested. Hell this is common across a lot of the world. The twelve days following Christmas ARE the twelve days of Christmas that the song refers to. So for many catholics and christians alike, it is common practice to leave your tree up for those twelve days and to even have a feast or celebration on Epiphany. The twelfth day of Christmas.
The stupid thing is, I knew this...and I guess in my rage or frustration didn't see it. It took a lady yesterday commenting that her Christmas wasn't over yet, not until January 6 for it was Epiphany.
I have never practiced this celebration...frankly, for me, once the New Year is here, it's back to business as usual. I really have never paid any notice as to when we have taken down the tree. I knew it was always after New Year but was it after the 6th? Surely I have never had an epiphany feast.
Maybe that is a new tradition I should start in our little family.
(Oops...must go. Julianne has Cheerios on her chin and on the floor, and there goes everything else onto the floor. Wait...little girl...mommy's coming.)
Don't I feel like a schlub.
You may recall my post of January 3 about wanting to take down the Christmas tree NOW but hubby wanting to wait until January 6. With it being some made up 'tradition' or whatever. Well d'uh...of course it's a tradition...and it's a tradition across much of Canada too, not just Holland as I originallly suggested. Hell this is common across a lot of the world. The twelve days following Christmas ARE the twelve days of Christmas that the song refers to. So for many catholics and christians alike, it is common practice to leave your tree up for those twelve days and to even have a feast or celebration on Epiphany. The twelfth day of Christmas.
The stupid thing is, I knew this...and I guess in my rage or frustration didn't see it. It took a lady yesterday commenting that her Christmas wasn't over yet, not until January 6 for it was Epiphany.
I have never practiced this celebration...frankly, for me, once the New Year is here, it's back to business as usual. I really have never paid any notice as to when we have taken down the tree. I knew it was always after New Year but was it after the 6th? Surely I have never had an epiphany feast.
Maybe that is a new tradition I should start in our little family.
(Oops...must go. Julianne has Cheerios on her chin and on the floor, and there goes everything else onto the floor. Wait...little girl...mommy's coming.)
Monday, January 4, 2010
Here Kitty, Kitty
I hate the days that I can't think of anything to write but due to making an obligation to myself to blog everyday, I am forced to get something down on the page.
I am at such a loss in fact, that I have decided that I am going to post one of my short stories that I submitted recently for a contest. It didn't win but I got some great feedback on it from the judges. It's better than nothing.
I am at such a loss in fact, that I have decided that I am going to post one of my short stories that I submitted recently for a contest. It didn't win but I got some great feedback on it from the judges. It's better than nothing.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Didn't I Tell You NOT To Do That?
Why don't they listen? We know better than they do, we have more experience and afterall we only want what's best for our children and we do know what's best. Ha! Don't they understand that running around with a knife is not a good idea, opening and touching a hot over rack, not recommended? Using mommy's stool to reach the cupcakes on the counter after I said no. Don't play with the christmas tree decorations.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
One Of Many Firsts in 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy New Year!
Just like the anticipated arrival of the Olympic flame, 2010 is finally here. Took her long enough.
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