So it's 11pm and once again I can't sleep. I don't know what the problem is. I have been on my computer most of the evening doing absolutely nothing productive, just playing as usual, when I really should be getting some other work done. Two deadlines fast approaching and yet, even though I can't sleep, I am not working on it.
It's been months now since I have been able to sleep properly. I get up early, except for this morning, and still end up staying up late. When I do feel that I am tired, I can't bring myself to lie down and if I do, I lay awake in bed for hours. My mind filled with thoughts of all the things I should be getting done or should have done during the day, berating myself for not doing what should have been done and then saying, oh well, I'll do it tomorrow. And of course, tomorrow comes and still it doesn't get done. This goes for writing deadlines, housework, shopping, bill paying. Everything gets put off for another day. Eventually they do get done, but it's usually all at once or at the last minute and then I am stressed because I know I could have done it all a long time before and I didn't.
For one thing, I have a hard time sleeping in the same bed as my husband but I think that is only half of the problem. He is such a bed hog and he snores. Why can't people just sleep peacefully, quietly and on their own side of the bed. I make every effort to stay in my own space but he seems to think that my space is also his space. There are limits people. I remember growing up, living with my grandparents, they never slept in the same bed unless there was company and they needed to. Grandma once told me it was because Grandpa slept with his arms behind his head and she would wake up with a black eye. I never saw evidence of this when they did share a bed but maybe they were on to something. Of course, our bedroom is not big enough to fit to smaller beds, the layout is all wrong so I don't think that's an option. There must be some happy medium. I get tired of falling asleep on the couch and when hubby falls asleep on the couch, part of me is glad but another part of me misses him being beside me. I don't know if there is a solution. Do I just suck it up and do what I have been doing for the past couple of years? It didn't seem this bad when we first got married but after having Julianne it seems that I feel crowded all the time. I have always had trouble sleeping but it has definitely gotten worse over the last year.
Stress? I don't feel stressed, at least no more than usual but maybe that is it. I suppose stress occurs more often when you have children, especially young ones.
Is there a way to slow down the brain so that sleep will come? Mom has suggested herbal tea which I have tried and it doesn't work. I can't stand warm milk so that's not even an option. I won't take sleeping pills, medication is not the answer. I need to relax.
Or maybe just stop procrastinating and get the things done that need to be done.
Now it's 11:20pm. Wow, 20 minutes of steady writing. This is rare.
Maybe this blog thing was a good idea after all.