Stick the Knife in a Little Deeper

What is a rejection but a little stab in the back? Something to deflate your ego just a little more. I have had my fair share of rejections but it is offset by a few acceptances now and again. But it's funny how one rejection, no matter how kind it is, can make you forget about the previous acceptances. It reminds me a little of relationships and how women never forget the wrongs of the man, no matter how many rights he does afterwards to make up for it.

The thing we have to try and remember about rejections is that it's not that the writing was bad, but that there were far more better ones and when there are only x number of spots available and xxx number of submissions, the odds go down considerably. And there is no magical formula to ensure that yours stands out above the rest. Plus, remember that these are ordinary people sifting through piles and piles of submissions and what one person likes another may not. If you wrote an amazing love story about how you and your significant other met and fell in love and it was one of the most masterfully crafted pieces of work you've ever produced, so good that any editor would be foolish to turn down, but that editor just went through a nasty breakup or divorce, they are not going to look at your work for the craft. Instead, they are more likely to stick their finger down their throat and...well you know the rest.

If I felt qualified to offer advice, the only thing I would say is not to give up hope. To keep trying. Because eventually someone out there will see your masterpiece for what it is.

Another person once told me, that for every rejection you are that much closer to an acceptance. Like crawling across the desert in search of water, only to be fooled by mirage after mirage but eventually, that mirage with not evaporate and you will find yourself face down in a wonderful pool. Wierd analogy but something that just came to me. Aww...the magic of just letting your fingers do the talking.

I just received a letter from a well known Canadian literary magazine that was neither a rejection or an acceptance. It was a nice little note asking me to be patient as the selection committee had far more submissions to go through than expected. Of course as soon as I saw it, my heart sunk to my stomach at first. I tried to read it without skipping ahead to find those familiar words of what a great submission it was but due to the shear volume of quality submissions they could not publish at this time. To my surprise, this particular letter did not contain those words. But I am sure in the next couple of months that one will appear. In the meantime, all I can do is wait and keep submitting to other magazines. Of course now that I am on a poetry kick, that may be the genre I focus on for awhile.

 I do have an idea for a story that has been swirling around in my mind for a little while but I have yet to figure out how to start it or even if it should be a story or poem. I may try it from both sides and see what happens. I am leaning towards poetry only because the one line I have is more of a metaphor but a story can use metaphors just as nicely as a poem. Just much more subtly.

Ok, must stop here before my ramblings go off on some other tangent.

About Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

It's a part of human nature. Do what makes you feel comfortable. Resist change at all costs. But isn't there a line that needs to be crossed for us to continue to grow and develop and learn new things about ourselves?

I am a prose writer. A writer of short fiction and ambitious enough to attempt the novel. Recently I even dove into the area of creative non-fiction and I think this is what really gave me that final push to confront that nemesis, poetry.

The non-fiction class forced me to delve into a side of me that I was hiding from through fiction. It made me open up and brought the realization that those things, good or bad, that happen in life, need a voice and sometimes that voice does not have to be made up. So in comes poetry. Much the same as non-fiction, it comes from the heart. It delves into that emotional side that so many of us keep hidden. And for what reason? Are we afraid to face the facts or are we afraid to share those facts with others?

Many feel that writing is cathartic. A gentle release of all those pent up feelings that you just can't share with others.

Some just like to write. To make up stories and share them with the world. Or hope to share them with the world. I have heard many say that writers write because they have something to say.

Where was I? Comfort zone...poetry. Right.

I have been afraid of poetry for as long as I can remember. From early years in school, whether I was forced to read it or write it, I just could not wrap my head around it. This thing called metaphor. Say something without really saying it. I was forced to actually think and my goodness, did my brain ever hurt. Then I began to attend poetry readings. At first listening to it just made me nauseous. You know, that queasy feeling when you're really bored or anxious? I didn't want to have to think. Give me a good story where everything is spelled out for me, something that I don't have to look deeper for that hidden meaning. What is the poet REALLY trying to say? As far as I knew, only the writer knew and isn't that really all that mattered? Why do I have to rip this poems apart, line by line and look for something. What I get out of it is going to be completely different than what another gets out of it. For the most part at least.

As much as it made me feel ill, I still attended these readings. Mostly they were short story readings with a sprinkling of poetry. I could live with that. At one of these readings, I heard a poem by a man that I now deeply respect as a writer, poet and person, and it changed poetry for me. I suddenly got it. I still don't know what it was that stood out to me. His presentation, the poem itself, something deeper that just struck a chord? It didn't really matter. I even started reading poetry. But I still did not attempt to write it.

So back to the non-fiction class. When I realized I could open up a little and let my true self show, I suddenly realized that maybe I could write a poem. So, like a newborn taking its first tentative steps, I enrolled in a poetry class. What I have realized? It's not so bad and I am not half bad at it either. There is only one more class remaining and I have to say, it kind of saddens me. I have only just begun a journey that could end up being incredibly rewarding and I want more.

Who would of thought??

When life gets too hectic the things that seem to suffer are the things you enjoy doing the most. Why is that? Shouldn't your life be hectic and busy by being full of all the things you really like to do? Maybe even the things you love to do. I guess logically the first priority has to be on the things that make the money. So you put in extra time and then all the other deadlines that you don't get paid for suffer.

I want to go out and play in the sun with Julianne, but the house needs to get cleaned. It's gotten pretty bad even though my mom was just here and did some stuff. Seems the moment she left, it all went to disarray again. Partly because we actually did go out and do the fun stuff in the sun but also because work has started to take over, for both me and the hubby. Then there is the unexpected trips, all for money. For example, I had full intentions of doing a thorough cleaning in the morning, then a little grocery shopping and then when that was all done, go to the park with the little one. But instead, I get a phone call this morning asking if I want to go on a little road trip. Road trip sounds like a fun thing but in fact it was a delivery for my husband's company that was almost 3 hours of driving but I got paid for it, so why not? It's all for the money. Especially when you're going on vacation shortly so any extra money that can be made to add to the vacation fund is all good. But of course, nothing got done.

I had/have homework that needs to get done for the two classes I am taking right now. The poetry is done but I have to work on the novel too. I have a bit done for what I need for my class, but it's no where near complete and I should have submitted it for review by today. Unfortunately I don't thing that's gonna happen. It's midnight here and well, instead of writing I am blogging. So what's  up with that?

Julianne got her first scraped knee the other day. Then the next day, just as it's starting to scab over, she falls again and re-opens the wound. A couple days after that, she was at the park and wouldn't you know it, she fell again. It was a mess. Sad thing was they were on their way home. Just done with the playing and about to leave and she falls. Poor baby. I think it bothers me more than her though. The sight of the blood. I think she's in pain but really it doesn't seem to bother her, but I cringe and worry. Today the scab has just be cracking so there has been little beads of blood. I want to help her and clean it up, but she doesn't want me anywhere near that knee.  I think part of me expects that she should be sad and want  mommy or daddy to kiss it better but apparently that's not what's happening. This whole kid thing is a lot different than I could have suspected.  Oh and now she has started biting. So if anyone has any suggestions on how to stop that, I would really, really appreciate any suggestions.

Well that is my update for now.  Off to Holland in a few days, as long as the Iceland volcano does not interrupt our plans. Plan to blog as much as possibly while there. So stay tuned.

Proud To Be Canadian and other stuff...

Just when we thought we had it all figured out. That Canada is one of the most beautiful countries on the planet to live, that we are one of the more open-minded countries welcoming everyone into the folds. Just when we thought we already knew all the things that make this country so wonderful, something else comes along to remind us just how great it really is and just how lucky we are. May 5, 1945, Canada helped liberate the Netherlands. To free them from German occupation.
Now normally this would have been the kind of celebration that would have made me sit up and go, oh yeah, we did that. But now I have a little more invested considering my husband is from the Netherlands, my in-laws still live there and if it hadn't been for Canadian soldiers 65 years ago, I may never have met him.

Every year on November 11 I take the time to remember those that suffered and fought for us and for others and that pride I already possess grows stronger but now, there is another day I need to be greatful for, another to remember what great people live in this country.

Now time to ruin this post with my selfish thoughts. I'm getting ripped off this year. My birthday falls on Mother's Day. The last time this happened it was no big deal because I wasn't a mother but now...geez! I completely understand how those people that have birthdays on or around Christmas must feel. Both are great reasons to celebrate, but a birthday is supposed to be special for particular reasons and Mother's Day or Christmas is supposed to be special for other reasons, so when you have to share...how fair is that?
Ok, well it's not really that big a deal because I have never made a big deal out of birthdays anyway and I wasn't even going to add this part after reading a beautiful post by a dear friend and colleague about Mother's Day.  Go check out the Accidental Poet. You may never look at Mother's Day the same.

It's Finally Here

Well it's official. In the mail this morning I received my subscribed issue of Freefall magazine along with a second contributors copy. That's right. Contributor's copy. My book review on Stuart Ross's collection of short stories, Buying Cigarettes for the Dog is officially on the stands. (or all the places that the magazine goes). Though it's not my first publication, this is the first one that is going to a considerably large audience.

And in addition, I made another submission to a magazine. Most certainly nowhere near the goal I had of sending out one story a month  but at least it's something. I have some plans for some poems that I recently wrote too. Will see how that goes.

It's Been...

It's been 20 days since my last blog...oy...it sounds like I am at a sobriety meeting...BA...Blogaholics Anonymous. I suppose it is possible to become addicted to something like blogging. I think I was like that at first but as with many things, I take on too much and then something that I really like tends to suffer...so I have been on a hiatus.
No not really.  I've been sick and busy and then busy and sick. Thankfully life is beginning to smooth out a bit and I am no longer feeling completely overwhelmed.

So I am trying to get back to the blogging...sharing my most intimate, or not so intimate, thoughts with the blogger universe.  I just wish I had something interesting to write about. But really it's just the same old stuff every single day with the inclusion of little unexpected surprises from the little one. But that's not everyday.

Like the other day when Julianne fell asleep, face down on the floor, underneath her crib. Or how she has developed this need to be mostly naked. Stripping off her pants and diaper at the first opportunity. Or there was the other day when she started walking across the dining room, stopped part way, turned to me, waving her arms and babbling something completely incoherant and then continues toward the front door, stopping and doing it again and then straight for the door. I had this vision of her at 15 all mad at me about something and storming out the front door but not before getting in the last word  Good grief. I laugh now but later I may not think it's so funny. I just hope that if it does happen I can think back and remember that day.

Have I Found My Happy Place?

Snippet of conversation that occurred yesterday, somewhat paraphrased as I really can't remember the EXACT conversation.

S: BJ and I were just saying how happy you are.

Me: You were talking about me?

S: Yes. Your husband and child have really done wonders for you.

Me: I seem happy? (thinking a little about how I didn't seem happy before)

S: Yes.  Not that you weren't happy before.  Kind of like walking into a room you just finished tidying although you didn't think it was all that messy in the first place and exclaiming, Wow, this place really was a mess. Does that make sense?

Me: Yeah, I guess so.  (I smile and nod, of course it makes perfect sense)

Now I have been thinking about this conversation since then.  There was more to it but this snippet pretty much sums it up.  All the pertinent details so to speak. 

So what has changed in the last few years to have gotten me to this so called happy place?  A place we always dream of but for most of lives seems just beyond our fingertips. We can see it, but it eludes us when we try and reach out and take hold.  Hmmm...

Let's see.  Yes I got married.  Almost 3 years ago now.  Hubby and I were just talking about that.  Joking about how it seems like only yesterday.  Or were we?  I really couldn't ask for a better husband.  So calm and relaxed, just taking each day as it comes.  Not expecting too much and accepting me for me and trying to accept the things that interest me although I know at times it's hard for him to completely understand.  And he is such a wonderful and attentive father to our little girl.

Yes, that's right.  We had a baby just shy of our first anniversary.  This little girl has brought me so much joy and frustration.  But definitely more joy.  She has taught me that all that matters is what's here and now, right in front of you.  Well, hubby helped with that too cause that's just the way he is.

Along with the having the baby came the not having to work full time.  I don't have to battle rush hour traffic any more.  Nor will I ever again unless it's by choice.  I now have a flexible work schedule that allows me to remain home with my little girl and when I can't be here, Daddy is always there to take over.  It really is the perfect situation.  I wish everyone could have that much support.

I am writing again after a long break.  I had lost the motivation and drive to do what deep down I knew I really wanted to be doing.  Thanks to the wonderful support of other writerly friends I have found a renewed passion and am branching out to try new things.  I have always thought I was adventurous but really when it came right down to it, I would much rather sit at home and relax in the safety of my own little world.

Just this year I have fully come to terms with the circumstances of my childhood.  I never really thought it was impedeing me that much and honestly had thought that I was over it.  Ready to move on.  But every now and again little things would eke to the surface and questions would arise.  Questions that I thought were better left unsaid only because I wanted to continue to believe that it didn't bother me.  When those questions were finally set free and answered, it really did feel like a weight had been lifted.  I was left with a better understanding of the decisions that had been made and why they were made in that particular way.  I even cried.  Something that I don't think I had ever done before.  That was the key.  To recognize and then mourn the loss was more cathartic than I could have imagined. 

So I can't actually say that any one thing got me to this happy place, but if people think that I am there, then I will embrace that and say, yep, I guess I have really found it.

Now the challenge will be to actually stay there.

The Poet Within

Is it possible that everyone has a poet inside them?  I tiny little monster of a million different colours that sits idly on your shoulder just waiting for the right moment to interject a little colour and life into your writing?  To help release that right brain thinking? 

I suppose anything is possible.  One class down, only seven more to go.  It seems like such a long time but I am sure the time will fly by.

I actually did my homework already too.  Well at least a first, second and third draft.  Will probably go over it again several times before I share it with anyone.  More interesting is that just focusing on a different, more colourful project for awhile, actually got me in the right frame of mind to add more pages to my novel. 

Even though I have not discovered my setting, but it is leaning more and more toward Calgary, I was inspired.  I am now over 10,000 words.  Pretty good for me I would say.  The only discouraging part is that there are some sections that I already know I want to cut and other areas that I want to change.  So if I do it now, I will be back under 10,000 words.  I suppose I could just wait until I have 20,000 words then cut some then.  Or just do it now and make some of the other changes I wanted to and hopefully still stay over where I'm at now and add more at the same time. 

Now for another part of my homework.  Must go find a poem a day to read.  I hope my head doesn't explode.

Setting, Shmetting...

It's been recommended to me that I need to have an actual setting for my novel.  Personally I never thought it was all that important.  Leave it to the imagination of the reader.  But apparently it's kind of important to at least have some idea as to where all the events are taking place.  I am finding that this is more difficult than I thought. 
So far there are elements from every place I have ever lived but do you think I can actually pinpoint a specific location?  A location to actually name in my novel.  Some have told me that from what they have read so far they felt that it was taking place in Calgary and there are several instances where that is in fact true, but there are elements that I have taken from Kelowna, (where I lived for a long time) and some others that I have taken from Invermere, (another place I lived for a long time).  Some of the events wouldn't make sense or ring true if I made the location Invermere because it's a very small town compared to the other two.  And then there are only tiny elements from Kelowna.  I have to take things like climate into consideration and the differences in those specific places.  But because most of it does seem to take place in Calgary and because that's where I currently live, it seems that would be the natural choice.  But I hesitate about actually naming it Calgary.  Why is that? 
It was also suggested that I could make up a name for a city or town.  I am thinking about this but naming is not my best quality.  I suck at it, in fact.  I even have a hard time naming my characters, how on earth am I going to come up with a fake name for a city?
Ugh...ok well if anyone has any suggestions than please send them my way.  Maybe I will even give you credit for the suggestion.  :)

On another note...one of the things from my list, to do before I turn 40 was to take a poetry class and guess what?  That is coming to fruition.  Starting today and continuing for the next 8 weeks, I am enrolled in my first ever poetry class.  I can't really say how I feel about this.  Excited??  Scared as all hell?  I am totally stepping out of my comfort zone to do this.  Should be interesting. 

Will keep you posted.

We spent a couple of days with my Grandma in Invermere this past weekend.  Every time I go back there I have this weird nostalgia.  I grew up in this little BC mountain town and there are so many memories there but at the same time, some good, some not so good.  But each and every time there is this little bit of longing to return there and stay.  I do miss the small town living from time to time.  I remember how simple life seemed back then.  But I must not forget that I was also very young.  I didn't have to make decisions for myself.  I biggest concern was whether or not I was going to get to play with one of my friends on the weekend.  Or what to take to a sleep over. 
Not much family is there anymore.  A few of my old friends are still there.  In some ways the thought of going back and raising my little girl in a small town is appealing.  But small towns have their own problems.  Not the same as the big city that I currently live in but still problems. 
Arie likes the small town mentality as well.  But there is no work in this particular town that relies solely on tourism.  No big business to keep it thriving.  This is the same for most small towns, especially in BC, whose main source of income has been lumber for years but slowly every sawmill across the province is shutting down.  And so nothing is left. 
Then there is the problem of the taxes in that province.  There are currently two taxes on everything you purchase.  In Alberta there is only one.  And now BC is trying to bring in a third tax.  Ridiculous if you want to encourage people to come there, either to live or just to visit.   Food is already incredibly expensive compared to Calgary.  Or maybe it was just the fact that this is a small town and they can charge more cause there is no place else that close by to go.
Who knows?  I think that province is digging itself into a hole that they are not going to be able to climb out of.
So for now, I guess we will stay right where we are.  Our small corner of a big city, which is really not much different than living in a small town until you have to travel outside of it.

They Change Too Fast

I can't believe how much children change in the matter of a year.  This photo was taken Christmas 2008.  Julianne was a mere 4 months old.  At the time we thought she was the cutest thing on the planet.  I suppose

that's what parents are supposed to think about their children.  And she was actually pretty cute in this picture.  Pudge and all.  But as time went on she began to change.  To thin out, walk, and ultimately turn into a fiesty little girl.  And a comedienne she is becoming.  In the following photo taken just this afternoon, she saw me holding up the camera and started to make the same motions as I was.
Sometimes I miss that roly poly stage when she couldn't walk and relied on me to do everything for her.  Now that she is learning and trying to gain as much independance as she can, she is a little devil.  Temper

tantrums abound when she can't get her own way.  She needs your undivided attention all of the time. (When she's awake.  And that is becoming more and more frequent.)  Soon will come a day when she doesn't nap at all but I sure hope I can put that off as long as possible.  But nothing seems to ever go the way you want it to.  So you learn to take each day one at a time and try to enjoy it while you can.  I am beginning to learn that there are some things that are just able to wait until later to get done.  I have no choice.  I am the one that must adapt.
The fact that I am sometimes not as attentive to her as I should be, is becoming more and more apparent.  She favours her dad over me.  I try not to take it personally because I have heard this is common with little girls.  But it's hard not to.  She's fine when I am constantly playing with her, but as soon as I have to do something else I get the cold shoulder.
There are some days that I have to actually leave the house for work.  On those days she spends the day with Daddy and when I come home it's almost as if I don't exist.  Sure she seems excited as soon as I walk in the door but it quickly changes.  Then there are the days that I am gone pretty much all day so I don't see her at all and come the next day, like today, everything is about Daddy.  You would almost think that I am the one that works full time and not him.
I hope it's just a phase.  I do take some solace in the fact that when she's sick, I am the one she tends to come to.  But that's not very often.  *sigh*

(Ok I know this post was written on Wednesday but if you hop over to http://www.mycup2yours.com/ and read the comment I left on her post last night, you will understand why I am pretending it was written on Thursday.) 

When you don't know what to write, I've been told that you should just start typing and let whatever you want to fall onto the page.  So that's what I'm doing right now.  Nothing of much interest has happened in the last few days. Nothing that I would find interesting enough to write a whole blog post about at least.  So now I am just writing and trying to find something interesting as I go.  It's not working.  Not so far. 

An apartment condo caught fire the other day.  The same day that I finally made it to the Passport office to apply for passports for Julianne and myself.  I was sitting in the lobby of the office and several fire trucks went flying by.  As is the norm, I figured it was nothing.  However, when I came out of the building nearly a half hour later I see thick black smoke and flames billowing from a building not too far away.

I took a little drive by to get a closer look as we do have some family that lives in that area.  Thankfully it was actually across the street from where they live.  However, what was happening was still not exactly the best sight to see.
There is something strange about fire.  Whenever I see it, I get mildly excited.  It's not that there is extreme destruction going on at that particular time but there is something oddly beautiful about thick billowing smoke.  I remember when I was kid, there was a hotel that caught on fire and I was completely in awe of the way the smoke looked, like fluffy dark clouds flying into the sky.
This condo complex was just built a couple of years ago.  Now over 300 people are homeless and they're saying that there is so much damage to the building that it will have to be demolished.  I couldn't imagine how it feels to lose everything you own.  And for what?  Because someone didn't extinguish a cigarette properly.  Can you believe it?  I can I guess.  It's the first thing I thought when I saw the fire. It's always blamed on a smoker.  But the fact remains that it usually has something to do with the careless extinguishing of cigarette butts.  Amazing how expensive one little mistake can become.
It took firefighters nearly 24 hours to get the last of the hot spots.  But they got it under control.  There are actually two other buildings in this complex and it didn't look like they got touched so for that they have to be somewhat thankful.  I don't know if I would want to stay there though.
It was also one of the windiest days this month.  No wonder the fire spread as fast as it did. 

These were the best pictures I could find online. They are not my photos so I cannot take credit for any of them.  I do wish I had my camera with me when I saw it though.  If only...

Changing Diapers

Unaware, she dances around the room, giggling and twirling, squealing in delight.  Completely oblivious to the growing cushion in her pants.  But I am not.  Through the little pink pants, I see the sponge swelling from moisture upon moisture.  I glance at the clock and know that it's time. 
A soft pink hand, so fragile and delicate, full of little white bones that could be crushed with just slightly too much pressure, wraps around my thumb and we toddle together into the bedroom.
Although she is not fully aware of the meaning behind this activity, she knows that something is about to change.  That she will receive a little more comfort.
She flops on the bed, content and watching, but yet still so adamant for independance that she helps remove the thin cloth shell that protects delicate skin beneath.  Before I have the chance to unfasten the adhesive strips, she rips them away like band-aids.  I slip the soiled diaper from under her bum and she laughs.  Kicks at the new found freedom.  With a warm damp cloth, I wipe away the tiny remnants that remain unabsorbed by the cotton shell.  I dry the moisture, further cleaning her fragile skin. 
Tiny red dots remain, a reminder of the invisible particles that manage to cling to her bottom.  Despite every effort , I know I can never fully fix everything.
White cream, thick and soothing, is applied to her exposed parts, an attempt to further sooth any potential discomfort.  But she kicks and rolls, resisting my tender touch.
We struggle, we laugh until the change is complete, then she rolls off the bed, feet firmly planted on the floor and then she races from the room, squealing in delight.
I stand alone in the middle of the room, holding a damp cloth in one hand and the weight of one little girl in the other.  Completely aware that soon she will do this on her own.

Word Association: Metaphorically Speaking

I am taking a weekend workshop on metaphors.  How to use them, when to use them.  Thought I would share a few exercises just for the sake of having something to write.  I have included a description of the exercise and then what I came up with in the short span of time allotted to write.

1. Close your eyes and envision death.  What is the first image that comes to mind?  Think about it, see it, then write what you see...5 minutes.  Don't overthink...just free write.

Death
The reaper stands over his body, scythe in hand, waiting for the precise moment to swing, severing the last life strings of his being.  Strings so badly frayed that they hang by a single thread.  One more abuse of the already fragile body will snap the breath from him and the reaper will have captured his pray.

But he is patient.  In his dark robes, head cloaked, he lurks in the shadows.

2. Same as above but this time envision happiness.

Happiness
Is a child squealing in delight at the kitten that scurries past,or the squirrels skittering up the rugged tree trunk.  A child, who for no one else, is herself.  Able to relish the beauty in a tainted world.  The beauty that most take for granted.  She is the freedom that we all desire.  That we all felt once, but soon became shackled by the chains of life.

3. Again the same as above but this time, what is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of self?

Self
In the breeze outside my window, tiny leaves dance on the currents.  A joyful song that no one else can hear.  It skitters and floats, just beyond your grasp, constantly eluded by a graceful swing and a twist.  You reach again, wanting so desperately to touch even the rough nubbed end of the stem but you miss and fall to your knees.


Give it try.  Share if you like.

The Polish Divorce

The Polish Divorce



A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well.
One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English pretty good, and it say:

~~~Polish Remover~~~

Sorry, couldn't resist! 

Irish Joke

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.
Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face,
'Shoite, Shoite !'
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face.
'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside.. He takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night ?'
Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?'
'Mick phoned . . . you left your wheelchair at the pub.'

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!

Many cities across Canada have already passed laws prohibiting cell phone usage while operating a motor vehicle.  But Calgary has not joined that list yet.  Drivers in this city are already aware that it's a danger, it's distracting and simply put, it's just plain stupid.  So you would think if it's looked upon as being stupid or irresponsible, then certain groups/individuals would refrain from using them in an attempt to set an example. 

This afternoon I was driving on one of the busiest Calgary roads.  Actually I think it's actually the most traveled road in the city, technically spanning from southern Alberta to northern Alberta.  Yeah, that's right, it's a highway, but within our city limits it's known as Deerfoot Trail.  Drivers abhor it, steer clear of it if at all possible, but if you happen to live in the northeast or southeast quadrants of Calgary, it's virtually impossible to avoid.  Extra care needs to be paid when speeding along at a maximum posted speed of 100km/hr, which incidentally is always ignored. 

So I merge onto Deerfoot Trail from my own little corner of the city to find myself behind a Calgary City Police van.  Not usually a big deal except that the driver, who unless the vehicle was stolen is a police officer, is swerving slightly over the line, then over-correcting and veering into the other lane.  I pull back, unsure of what the heck he was doing.  The van slows down, speeds up a little, then slows again.  I am behind a driver who at most times, is not doing anymore than 70km/h, but at other times speeds over 100.  I pull back further, annoyed, because I need to get past this guy but I have to stay within the limits of the law, don't I? 

There is finally a break and I manage to pull around him.  As I come up on the side of this white and blue vehicle I can see the officer in his sideview mirror, talking on a cell phone.  I was shocked.  First thoughts of course were maybe it was an important call, maybe it was the office, but they do have radios for that kind of stuff so I was more inclined to believe it was a personal call.  What the hell???  This isn't right, is it?  They can't make their own rules separate from the rules set for the rest of the city.  Ok, as I said the rules aren't set, but they are implied and they should be leading by example.

So, I get around the cop to only be held up by another slow moving vehicle.  This time, it's just the average car, doing no more than 70km/hr in a 100km/h zone.  The driver is holding up three other vehicles besides mine.  Thankfully, this road is a three lane highway so I manage to pull around.  But as I pass, I see that the driver is an elderly man, talking on his cell phone. 

Quite frankly, since it's not illegal to drive and talk on a phone, if you can't maintain a normal driving speed, then pull the hell over.  Seriously, what is so damn important that the call can't wait until you reach your destination?? 

An Unknown Illness

Children can be so resilient.  Even when you know they are not quite themselves, they can plod on, oblivious to the fact that they should be curled up in the arms of their parents, resting and just being loved in their time of need.
Sunday morning Julianne woke up with a bit of a fever.  Not really anything to be concerned about.  I gave her a little infant Tylenol and she went on with the day, much the way she normally would.  Jumping, squealing, rearranging the furniture...
Monday much the same.  Although you could tell that now the fever was taking a toll on her.  She took an earlier nap that usual and longer than usual.  Woke up sweating and a little cranky.  She was fed and then on with her normal day.
Today...the fever spiked.  To me, an alarming 101.4.  And she was much more sluggish.  Hardly ate anything all morning, but did drink a lot.  She curled up in my arms for most of the morning.  Gave her more Tylenol and down for a nap.  She slept really well for a couple of hours.  Even though the fever was pretty much non-existant by the time she woke from her nap, she was sluggish and cuddly.  But that finally wore off and she became her usual active self.  A little cranky, but that is not entirely unusual either.  And she ate a pretty good dinner.  But by 6:30 this evening, she was stumbling around, rubbing her eyes.  Evident that she was tired we decided to put her down to sleep although it probably means she will either wake in the middle of the night or she will be awake really early.  Oh the sacrifices we have to make as parents.  Either way, I think the fever has broken.  There was no other evidence of anything wrong with her.  No diarrhea, no vomiting, for the most part still just as energetic as ever.  But something is swimming around in her little body, causing her immune system to fight back.  Some unknown little virus.  But my little fighter won't let it get the better of her.

 

I am having another one of those days when I know I should write but I just can't seem to find a topic of interest.  To hell with it being interesting to my audience, I couldn't even come up with something interesting to me.  So I decided to catch up on some of my blogs since I have been a little absent for the last little while and see if I could borrow or steal someone else's idea. 

And what do you know...Genny over at My Cup 2 Yours has Talking About Thursdays and I sure do love a good prompt.  Plus her theme today is to talk about your favourite blog(s).  Nothing better than boosting up some friends in the bloggie world, although there are days that I struggle to find anything nice to say about anyone.  Nothing personal...because there's lots of great stuff out there.  It's just that when you really sit down to think, what makes this person REALLY special, sometimes a cloud passes over and blocks any rays of sunshine from getting through.  Today is one of my cloudy days.  Probably having to do with the fact that I fell asleep curled up in our recliner and slept in the fetal position all night long.  I am just not as flexible as I used to be.

There are too many that I really like but I don't have the time nor the energy to write something great about them all so I am going to pick only one....

Drum roll please....

So F*cking Fabulous I Piss Glitter  The name says it all.  The sarcasm is beautiful.  Apryl is a single mother struggling to just get by in an unsympathetic world.  Her rants and frustrations are beautifully crafted to make you laugh, cry or sometimes just say...WTF?  And then just when you think she has hit rock bottom, she picks herself up and starts all over again.  Sometimes she even throws in a little poetry just to keep you on your toes.  So if you're up for riding that roller coaster with her, go check it out. 

If you want to join in Talking About Thursdays, click the image at the top of this post for more details.  Write your post and then link to the blog hop on Genny's site. 

Here's to a happy day.  The sun is shining, temperatures are supposed to come close to the double digits today...did I mention I love spring?

Just When I Thought I Had Nothing To Say...

Just when I thought I had nothing to say, along comes Apryl from So F*cking Fabulous I Piss Glitter and I get an award.  Heck, I got 2 awards at one time.  Look at me go!  So thank you, Apryl.  You're the best.

Now I have some RULES I am supposed to follow.

The Rules

1. Thank the person that nominated you; link to the person that gave you the award.

2. Pass this award on to 15 bloggers you've discovered and think are fantastic.

3. Contact said blogs and let them know, they've won.

4. State 7 things about yourself.

Now on to 7 things about myself that no one in the Bloggie world knows. Or very few at least.  This is not as easy as it sounds.  Especially when you want to make it funny or inspiring or just plain ridiculous.  I fear ridiculous is going to be the theme here.  Some of my crazy little quirks that I tend to keep to myself.  But I suppose instead of rambling I should get to the meat of the issue. 

1. You know that crinkly sound a plastic bag makes when you touch it, or you're emptying groceries or garbage, or cleaning the litter box?  Well, that sound makes my skin crawl as if just touching the bag releases a nest of a million little ants that are now climbing all over my body.  Some people can't stand fingers down a chalkboard or to touch cardboard...

2. I once walked down the full length of a ski hill.  Skis in one hand, poles in the other.  It's a lot further than it looks from the bottom.

3. I have some of the smelliest feet around.  For a girl at least.  The fact that I hate to wear socks and my feet sweat profusely has led to the early destruction of many pairs of shoes.

4. I am a walking contradiction.  It's said that most people are multi-dimensional.  But sometimes I even think I am full of crap.  I hate disorganization...it makes me feel out of control, disoriented.  But yet, some days I just let things lay where they land.  And for days...until someone else cleans up the mess or I get so frustrated and then act all irritated like it's someone elses fault.

5.  One time when I was sick and too weak to walk to the bathroom, I peed in my cat's litter box.

6.  I regret very few things in my life.  The decisions I have made have molded me into the person I am today and I don't mind that person at all.  But if I had the chance to go back and do it different, I would have gone to university and gotten a degree instead of taking a college diploma program and dropping out anyway. It never used to bother me...but lately I have spent so much time around people that have a bachelors or masters or PhD in something and I begin to feel a little inferior.  I know it's irrational.  I'm a smart person but for some reason because I didn't spend thousands of dollars for a piece of paper that says I'm smart, I feel like I missed out on something.

7.  I hate brussel sprouts and green peppers.

And the Award goes to...

1. MochaTrina from MeSoHongry
2. SandyB from Reinventing Sandy B 
3. Melissa at Rock and Drool
4. Chief at Hiding From the Kids
5. Genny at My Cup 2 Yours
6. Kate at Busted Plumbing
7. IT at Well, Oh Yeah
8. Shana at Blaze n' Crochet
9. Dawn at Dawning
10. Alex at Whoa Momma
11. This Little Girl Dreams
12. ZoeyJane at Mommy Was Moody
13. Laura at The Life of My Love
14. UberGrumpy at UberGrumpy
15. Julia at The World is My Oyster

Congratulations, you all deserve it!!!!!

Blast From The Past-Just a Ramble

I have often wondered what happened to the good old classic cartoons.  They have changed so much since I was a child and there is something that I find just a little off about the cartoons of today.  Just when I thought all was lost, I found a tv channel that has everything I loved.  The Flintstones, The Jetsons, The Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Fraggle Rock (ok not a cartoon but still a good one).

But, it surprises me the content of some of these programs.  Stuff I loved as a kid and now as I sit and watch the Flintstones, I realize that it was really full of more grown up content.  In this particular episode, Wilma is upset because her and Fred never do anything together anymore.  Fred is wrapped up in work, his Water Buffalo club and bowling and Wilma wants to go to a movie, to have Fred pay a little attention to her like before they were married.  So Fred agrees to take Wilma out and then Barney reminds Fred that they have a Water Buffalo Bowling Tournament.  Fred wants to do the right thing for his wife but at the same time doesn't want to let down his friends.  He comes up with an idea to be in two places at once and as is tradition it backfires on him and he gets caught.  Although he does win the bowling tournament, Wilma thinks they had a date so she's happy.  But when the truth is revealed Wilma forgives Fred and they live happily ever after.  How close was this program to real 'grown up' life and kids in the 70's and 80's loved this stuff. 

When you compare to the likes of Franklin and Dora the Explorer, it's so different.  The cartoons today seem to focus more on issues that pertain to kids.  Which there is nothing wrong with that.  And they are all trying to teach something, again great.  But why do they come off so flat? 

Maybe I am looking at a different audience.  Under 5 would probably get more enjoyment from the latter form of cartoons, and maybe I was just a tad older when I was watching my cartoons.  I do rememeber things like The Friendly Giant, Sesame Street, Mr. Dressup and I loved those too.  So maybe the problem is the age difference and I am comparing with the wrong audience.

But I sure love these oldies.  Sounds like Bugs Bunny is on now.

No Naps Today

You know how you get used to a certain schedule?  Wake up, breakfast, play, snack, play, lunch, play, NAP, wake up, snack, play, supper, play, snack, BEDTIME.

During those NAPS, your much needed break after a morning of play that consists of dancing around in circles, being taken for a walk by your toddler, not to mention the frequent diaper changes, drink refills, is your opportunity to get a little grown up stuff done.  You wait, you anticipate the time when you will be able to take a shower, do a little writing cause holy cow you actually have a fabulous idea for the next short story, an idea you have mulling over and over for months now and just couldn't figure out where it would go has finally become crystal clear and you just want to get it all down on paper as fast as you possibly can, or maybe you don't write and you are anxiously awaiting the moment you can get the house tidied a little, get prepared for dinner, that kind of stuff...but wait.  That little child that should be napping has decided to take it upon herself to change your schedule.  That's right.  No nap today.  Instead just constant screams when you try to lay her in bed.

You've got to be kidding.  Don't get me wrong, I am not so set on a schedule that the slightest deviation sends me into a tailspin.  I like a little spontenaity every now and again.  But please...is it too much to ask for an hour or two of no interruptions, no one needing you for something?  Just some peace and quiet.  No childish music playing from the TV, no bells and whistles from that favourite toy.  Just quiet.  Complete blissful quiet.

It doesn't come often so that little time you do get to yourself needs to be cherished.  Nurtured.  Extended if at all possible but that is unlikely.  Real wishful thinking.

So now, that time of the day that would usually be reserved for me...is slipping away.  Actually it's long gone already as now it is almost time for the hubby to walk in the door.  It's pointless to put her down for a nap now because then she will just be up late and there goes that time I could have later on.  And then I am left with nothing today. 

But there is always tomorrow.

Just when you think your head is about to explode, suddenly, everything just seems to work itself out.
With deadlines looming, I was beginning to think I had bitten off more than I could chew.  Writing deadlines, appointments, programs in the planning stage, presentations and...homework, eek, I didn't know how I was going to balance everything and still take care of my daughter and be there for husband.  It all seemed to be spiralling out of control.  To make matters worse, when I get like this (it's not the first time I have let things pile and pile until I can't recognize the beginning from the end) I start to get confused, disoriented, forget simple things like paying the bills and block out little snippets of conversations that may have been important at the time.  Kind of funny actually.  Well the latter, at least.  Two nights ago, I was sitting in the living room, probably watching the Olympics, but lost in my own thoughts.  My husband was in the dining room playing with our daughter.  He asked me something, which I didn't respond to at the time, it went right past, but somewhere in my subconcious I heard him, just didn't react.  Last night I was cooking dinner, he was playing again with Julianne and all of a sudden, I looked at them and started laughing.  At that exact moment I suddenly remembered that Arie had asked me if I wanted coffee the day before.  Of course he thought I was nuts for laughing for no particular reason.  I proceeded to explain what had just struck me as funny, to which he replied, "And I am still waiting for an answer."

At that moment, I realized I had to find a balance.  To develop a strategy to accomplish all I want or need to get done.  And in a reasonable time frame.  I am usually pretty good at prioritizing, check off the items that need to get done now, by a certain deadline, and get them done sooner rather than later so as to leave enough room to get the other things done without rushing at the last minute.

To this end, I got the presentation I had to do over and done with.  Reviewed the few manuscripts that needed to be done by this coming Thursday, prepped for a meeting tonight, took Julianne for a walk and played with her for awhile.  On top of that, I spent several hours last night working on my novel and actually added another 10 pages to it.  I still have some manuscripts to review before next Monday and a couple of short stories to get completed and sent off but at this point I am finally ahead of schedule and feeling pretty zen.

How do you balance life and work?  Any specific strategies you have found work better than others? Especially if you are a stay at home mom that works from home 90% of the time.

Count Backwards from 10...

Take a deep breath, count backward from 10, or forward if that's easier. 

This is something I was taught when going to anger management counciling.  Thank goodness it paid off.  My parents apparently got their moneys worth.

Nothing annoys me more than people butting in, offering their opinion or complaining when something is not going the way they want it to, even though they do not have ALL the information.  Assumptions are made, and then when you try to explain yourself or the actions of a team, you are interrupted.  Unable to get your thoughts across.  The heat begins to rise into your face and feel that familiar tug, like a sink plug, being held back by suction but if pulled just a tad harder, will completely release. 

Count backward...feel the heat begin to dissipate...the plug settles back in place for the time being.  But thoughts still reel around in your mind, you force the emotions down because it would be unprofessional to explode but then you just begin to feel nauseous.  A whirlpool of anger, churning and twisting in your stomach.

Relax, count backward a little more until you are calm.  Drive home, stew for a bit, go over the incident again and again, figure out if there was anything you could do to quell it before it got too much, or was it just destined to be the way it happened. 

Ultimately there was nothing that could be done, no way to go back and change it.  Just move forward.

Try a different approach, although it's gone ignored recently, try again and hopefully find some way to come to an amicable agreement. 

Ugh...some people are so frickin annoying. 

I know I have been slacking with my blog postings lately but I do have a really good excuse.  I have been working more than usual, lots of extra stuff to be done and it's coming down to deadlines.  Two big events are coming up that I am starting to feel a little rushed even though they are still months away.  Then along the way we encounter little hiccups that could be better done without.  I come home and I am just exhausted, mentally and physically.

I am taking two writing classes at the moment and that is taking up so much of my time.  I should have only gone with one, because I am finding that trying to get the work done for the two is a little more than I can handle.  I will do it but I will also know better for next time. 

In addition to the writing classes I all this I am trying to do some of my own writing, to submit stories here and there to different markets...

I am preparing our little family for our overseas trip to the Netherlands coming  up at the end of May.  Finally got the passport photos done...now they just need the required signatures then I can make the trip to the passport office and that will be done.

So in baby steps it will all get back to normal.  For now, I am going to post this note, to let you all know I am still thinking about you and as soon as I get some free moments I will catch up on all the bloggy news I have missed.

Spring is just about here!  At least in my little neck of the woods.

Recent Success

Just a little note that I was informed the other day that a book review I wrote is going to be published in the upcoming issue of Freefall Magazine.

One tiny step in the right direction.  I currently have only one more story out there awaiting response.  Suppose I should get in gear and submit some more.

After much headache and patience we are FINALLY booked for our trip to the Netherlands in May.  Online errors when trying to book kept coming up, then speaking with a Sales Agent and the credit card didn't work for a real live person so we finally phoned the credit card company only to find that a payment that had been made last week was not showing as posted to the account yet.  Aaargh.  So this morning, tried again, but only talking to a real live person and voila!  We are finally booked.  Confirmation number and all.

There are mixed emotions on my part about this trip.  I totally look forward to the actual vacation but I am totally not looking forward to the 9 hour flight involved.  This will be the first time with Julianne on a plane and it's a long flight to try and keep her calm and in one spot.  She is a very mobile toddler, as are most I am sure...but the prospect of chasing her up and down the narrow aisles of the plane does not appeal to me.  I would never make this flight alone with her...so there is some consolation in the fact that there will be help sitting right along side me.  (Granted we get there in time to select decent seats.)

I am sure I am probably worrying for nothing.  The flight will go fine, she will sleep the whole way, and be none the wiser that we are 20,000 plus km above the ground.  Ugh.

Can You Say ANNOYING!!!!!

Been trying to book our flight all morning...

Online got an error saying that it couldn't be processed.  Phoned credit card company to see what was going on and the fee went through but we got no confirmation.  Phoned airline and at first they couldn't find the flight so transferred me to several different departments.  Finally managed to find someone that knew what they were doing only to find out that the whole transaction had to be reversed before we could do it properly.  So now, we have to wait until the money is put BACK onto the credit card before we can book it again. 

What is with these people?  Apparently some new system that they have doesn't allow them to just put it all through properly without headache.  It has to be undone and then redone.  All I can say is they better not screw me out of the seat sale they currenly have posted. 

Did I mention I hate flying?

Backward...Not Forward

You know how we're always told to never look behind us?  The future is all that matters.  Good advice most of the time...if you're a person who dwells too much on the past.  I am all about looking forward most of the time. 
But...
I got a call today from my old boss, offering me my old job back...that I left only because of going on maternity leave.  I chose not to go back mainly because child care is so expensive that it really would not have been worthwhile for me to return, plus with the downturn in the economy, I knew they would be better off if I didn't return. 
Now, I do part-time contract work that really has a lot of benefits to it.  My hours are VERY flexible.  If I can't go in one for some reason, it's ok, I can go another day or work from home.  The company was flexible enough that I was able to start working mostly in the evening so that I didn't have to cart the little one with me and could leave her home with her Dad.  It's been working great.
There are benefits also to go back to a full-time job though.  Paid vacation, EI benefits if I have to go on maternity leave again, sick days, higher income to report toward buying a house...but is it enough?
My gut tells me that I have shut the door on that part of my life.  That there is no need to look back cause it's working out pretty good the way it is right now.  I get to be a part-time stay-at-home mom, which is better than being a full-time working mom any day.  I am in an environment that keeps me inspired to write.  Around like-minded people.  A more relaxed, casual atmosphere...no pressure...I work on my own, no one looking over my shoulder to ensure I am getting the work done, my performance speaks volumes and I am acknowledged for the efforts (most of the time).
I suppose I have answered my own question just by spilling the words from my fingertips.

Sunday Scribbles

Just a bunch of random crap I have been thinking about today.

1. Is this snow ever going to end?  I am so sick of that white stuff, even if it is only coming down in a soft mist.  It's still enough to cover the roads and making any hope of going anywhere that much more undesirable.

2. Julianne looks so cute in the new pants we bought her yesterday.  Scored a good deal at Superstore yesterday on some clearance items so got her a pair of pants, almost like jeans but purple and a cute pink top with animal print designs on it.  Of course the shirt is already dirty but the pants are cute.

3. Baking banana oat chocolate chip muffins right now.  The house smells heavenly.  Nothing really beats the smell of fresh baking.

4. We need to get a new stroller for Julianne before we go to Holland in May.  She has one but it's far too big to be taking anywhere.  We would have to make 2 trips from the Amsterdam airport just to get our luggage and the stroller to the in-laws place.  We weren't going to take one but seriously, the thought of having to either carry her around the airport or chase after her for 4 hours before we get to board is not all that appealing.

5.  Randomly making a list in my mind of all the things we have to take with us and all the things we can leave behind and get while we are there.  Need to leave as much room in the suitcases as possible so they aren't too heavy and so we can fit all our stuff and all her stuff in it without going over the maximum weight and still leaving a little room to bring stuff back with us if necessary.  It's not as complicated as it sounds I am sure but it does seem a little overwhelming right now. 

6.  Still have lots of work to get done from yesterday that I didn't manage to do.  Not that I couldn't do it but rather that I chose not to do it.  Now I have to get a lot done today.  Some actual work work and but also some writing I need to get done before my class tomorrow.  Somehow I have to rip off at least 7 more pages in my novel in order to be at the minimum quota I set for myself.  Also need to work on a personal essay for my non-fiction class I am taking at the moment.  I have one already that might work but it needs some edits and I am not sure that's really the one I want to use. 

7.  In addition, there are some short fiction contests I have seen recently and some general calls for submissions.  I never submitted anything for January so I am already behind on my list of things to do before I turn 40.  I could easily say I have lots of time cause really I do, but I know that time will  just fly by and  before I know it I will be 40 and nothing will have gotten done.  I am just like that.  Don't know why but that's me.  Ms. Procrastinator.

Well, muffins are done so I am going to stop here.  There are plenty of other things I could add to this list cause I am ALWAYS thinking about something but will have to save it for another day.

Happy Sunday to all!

I should be working but instead I find myself blogging.  It's Saturday for crying out loud.  Why should I be working?  But there is lots to do and I pretty much got kicked out of the office this morning so decided fine...I will just go home and do the work you apparently don't think needs to get done.

But it's distracting here.  Daughter wants to play, husband is just being husband, daughter wants to eat, daughter needs to get dressed, daughter needs to be changed.  It's never ending.  Husband has something he wants to say that he thinks is SOOOO incredibly important RIGHT now that it has to be said.  So, since I am distracted enough already, I might as well catch up on the blogging instead of actually working.  But that doesn't change the fact that the work still has to get done. 

What a dilemma.

It's Saturday, I want to just spend time with the family, but instead I have to work.  Even though I am working at home, to keep up appearances, husband can look over and see me busily typing and think, wow...she is so dedicated.  Ha...he doesn't know what I am REALLY doing.

The squeals and whines are distracting.  The bathroom needs to be cleaned, the carpets need vacuuming AGAIN, cause I love my vacuum cleaner.  I don't think I love it more than blogging but it is a very close second.  Although sometimes I can't even fathom opening the laptop and coming up with something awe inspiring to say.  Well, none of this is ever awe inspiring...and right now I fear it's alot of rambling...but it's keeping my fingers busy. Makes me LOOK busy.  Appearances can be deceiving.

I have a lot of posts to catch  up with....so I will finish this up...finish my coffee while I catch up with everyone.  Maybe, hopefully, leave a comment or two here and there.

Through the help of Frazzled Wifey over at Oops I Forgot To Breathe, and because I don't have anything in particular to write about today, I thought I would join in Talkin' About Thursdays.  Click the pic above to go to My Cup 2 Yours to join in the fun. Follow her instructions and voila...you can participate.

So I have to come up with 5 things about myself to share with the bloggy world and my friends that are already following me then link up to the blog hop on above mentioned page.

So here goes...this probably won't be all that exciting cause frankly I have a pretty mundane life...but it's my life and so far I am enjoying it.

1. I was born and raised in Prince George, BC, Canada but ended up moving around a lot growing up.  Being in Calgary now for almost 10 years is the longest I have ever lived in any one place and I have no intentions of moving anytime soon.

2. I have been married for almost 3 years and today it is just as wonderful as it was at the beginning.  It was a whirlwind romance...we got married less than a year from the time we first actually met in person.  I do think I am one of the luckiest girls around to have found such a wonderful husband.  He is from Holland and was still living there when we met but after a short time decided to immigrate to Canada.  We now have one beautiful daughter and hope to add more to the family at some point.

3. I am a hopelessly optimistic person.  I tend to look for the good in everyone and every situation before the bad.  Yes this has backfired on me on numerous occasions...but I still believe (and pardon the cliche) every cloud has a silver lining.  Sorry Apryl...had to say it.

4. I do not let my past define who I am because it's all about the here and now and what is to come.  Every day is a new day.

5. I love to write...I love my part-time employment but secretly (well maybe not so secretly) wish that I could just be a full time stay at home mom and write to my heart's content.  But realistically I know that's not possible until I am actually making some money from writing.  Honestly, I don't try as hard as I really should but work in baby steps.

Well I guess that's it for now.  I am glad I only had to write 5 things, cause I might have been stumped with many more.

Bad Hair Day?

You ever wake in the morning, toddle off to the bathroom, happen to glance in the mirror on the way...and stop...OMG, my hair looks pretty good?  If only it could look this hot and sexy every morning.  Not quite the sex hair look and totally not bed head, but it actually falls just the right way, hangs over your eyes in just the right places, has just the right wave to it.  Of course you would not dare leave the house like this, but for a few minutes you pause and admire.  Maybe you're just admiring how great you look, puffy, red eyes and all.  Maybe you are trying to memorize the exact way the do is laying so that one day you can try to recreate it.  Not that you have anywhere to wear that kind of do but a girl can dream as she stands in front of the mirror with her sexy hair, wearing nothing but...shit what am I wearing? 

Tank top and underwear.  Boobs sagging. 

Wow...that is hot.  No, sadly pathetic.  The tired mom and wife that you are begins to resurface.

Ugh. 

Now you turn from the mirror for all you can see are the rolls of extra skin on the rest of your body, the cellulite and flab and every stretch mark...and the dream is gone.

Poof!  Just like that.

Friend Making Monday

So I keep seeing this MckLinky thing on several blogs.  A blog hop to help increase your reader base, meet new people and find more blogs to read...not like I don't have enough already but there really is some good stuff out there.  Some great writers. 

So this one seemed simple enough.  I like being given a theme when I am at a loss for something to blog about on a given day.  Figured I would give it a try.  Not sure if I got all the links right but I guess we'll see what happens. 

Ok, couldn't get it to work the way I wanted so go check out {aefilkins} and Moments of Mommyhood.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window... it's snowing little soft cotton balls.  A steady stream of the white little puffs is blanketing my car.  Just more work to do later when I need to go out.

I am thinking.... it would be nice if it would warm up a little around here.  We had some really great weather for a week or so but now we are back to the below 0 temps and I just want it to end.

I am thankful... for my family and the support of so many wonderful friends.  They always seem to be there for me just when I need them.

I am praying...for relief from financial strains, good health and well-being for all, may the poor victims in Haiti be delivered from their suffering.  Maybe that's too broad...I don't know.  Everyone needs a prayer from time to time.  And for all the worry warts out there...stop worrying about the things you have no control over...life will pass you by way too fast and you will be left with too many regrets.

I am reading... The Story of Edgar Sawtelle.  Thank you Oprah.  It's a good book but so fricking long.  I will get through it but there are other things that need to be done first.

I am creating... the greatest work of art known to man.  Ha.  I wish. I am working on my novel though and much more steadily than I have in the past.  It will get finished this year.

From the kitchen...there is nothing.  I can't even smell the coffee anymore even though it was just made.  The pot is silent, the water tap is not dripping.  It's pretty darn quiet.

Around the house... the cat is sleeping on my bed.  My daughter is playing quietly with her blocks and the TV is tuned to Treehouse.  I think Toot and Puddle just ended.  There are little knocks and rattles coming from my daughters bedroom as she finds another toy to drag into the middle of the living room.

One of my favorite things... spring.  I want spring back really bad.  The warmth, sunshine and just all round good vibes the season brings.  Love it, love it, love it.

A few plans for the rest of the week... work a few days, get some passport photos taken for me and my daughter...then go to the passport office to get the paperwork sent in.  Then just wait.  Hopefully it warms a little this week so I can go out and do something with my daughter.

Big Boo Boo

Well, technically I missed posting for Sunday but it's close enough still that perhaps my readers will forgive me.  Huh, they probably wouldn't even have noticed if I hadn't just pointed it out.  But if you care, I will tell you the reason for my tardiness.  It's my own fault, should know better...but alas, everyone slips up now and again and we have to pay the consequences.

Over the past few months we have been making every effort to make sure that Julianne goes to sleep at a reasonable hour.  Unfortunately that means limiting her naps during the day.  Don't get me wrong, it's not like she gets 2 or 3 naps a day and we had to cut them back.  What I mean is not letting her nap any more than an hour.  Just enough for her to be rested but not so much that she stays awake until 10, 11 or 12 at night.

It's been working well too.  Hubby has been slipping up more than I have which is annoying in itself because he goes to bed early every night so guess who gets to stay up with her most of the time.  But today it was my mistake.  She was tired, rubbing her eyes and starting to get cranky so around 1:30 this afternoon I put her down for a nap which she accepted with a lot of grace.  The plan was to let her sleep no later than 3, which is my usual rule.  But what do I do...after getting her snug in bed, browsing the internet, having a late lunch...I fricking fall asleep in the chair.  And it's a comfy chair.  Too comfy.  And guess what time I managed to wake from my slumber?

5 o'clock in the evening.

Thank goodness I had supper bubbling away in the slow cooker and hubby wouldn't be home until around 6 or 6:30 so there was still plenty of time to get the rest of dinner prepared before he got home.

So in my groggy state I realize that Julianne has not made a peep, or I would have been awake a lot sooner.  This is not alarming to me anymore, like during her first year of life when I checked on her every few hours just to make sure she was still breathing.  But I was surprised that she was so quiet.  I expected her to be sitting there patiently waiting for me to come and fetch her, but nope...she was still asleep.  Was even a little difficult to wake her.  Then to try and make myself feel less guilty I tell myself she must have really needed it, which is probably true but I guess I really needed it too.  In case you didn't know, I don't sleep well at night, or anytime for that matter, so a few hours of sleep even if it's during the day is a welcomed break.

Of course I had to pay for it later.

We put her down around 9.  I was praying that by some stroke of luck she would be tired enough to just doze right off to la la land.  But nope, my prayers were not answered this day.  She cried and cried and cried.  I think she was trying to tell me something.

So after awhile I got her back up and just rocked with her for awhile in the comfy chair.  She didn't fall asleep, she did try and wriggle away, did try to pick my nose, giggled when I looked at her, waved at the cat when she came in the room, stole the remote control...and the list really does go on.  Mind you this wasn't all at once.  In between many of these little events she actually did put her head on my shoulder and close her eyes for brief moments. 

Finally, barely an hour ago, I could tell she was tired enough so I tried to put her down to sleep again...and we have success.

Now if only I could go to sleep.

Amid the chaos and tantrums, while you question your sanity, wonder what the hell you were thinking, there comes a moment of clarity.  Those brief moments when you are reminded just why you went through the pain and torture of child birth to bring this little being into the world appear just in time.  You are at your wits end, want to scream, throw something, run as far away as possible...but then...that precious little child does something cute...gives you a hug or a kiss for no reason, just wants to be held for a few minutes, starts dancing to a favorite song, gets excited over the cat entering the room...and you can't help but smile.  Or even tear up a little.  These are the moments that make it all worthwhile.

Best Blog I Have Seen Yet

This seriously is the funniest blog I have seen yet.  If you are not already following, I really suggest you do.  I should have posted the lovely words that are streaming from my fingers earlier but I got so wrapped up in this blog that I couldn't stop reading.  Now it is almost midnight and I really needed to get my post in for today.  Remember I am trying to post everyday?  Well I think I already missed one this month but...WTF...who cares.  This is funny. 

WOTW *WARNING: PG13

This blog contains language/content that may not be suitable for all readers.
Reader discretion is advised but really not recommended.

In other words, if you can't handle a little foul language or a woman just telling it like she sees it, you should still check it out.   http://www.bloggess.com/

*WOTW = Writing on the Wall*

Tomorrow is Another Day

A demon has possessed my daughter.

Ok, no need to call an exorcist, YET.  But she is the most miserable I have seen her in...EVER.

Seemed like a normal morning, she was happy, but hardly ate any breakfast.  Then she threw it on the floor in a fit. 

SHe drank, she laid on my lap, all seemed fine.  Until I left the room to do something and it started all again.  And she wouldn't listen to reason.  Alright, I shouldn't expect her to listen to reason quite yet, but oh how I wish she would.

I gave her a snack and a drink and she was happy.  For a few minutes.

Until I had to change her diaper again...and try to get some regular clothes on her.  Complete and total chaos.  Rolling, kicking, screaming, punching, scratching, you name it, she was attacking.  She did not want the pants on that was for sure.

Her head was warm but I am not sure if it's a fever or if she is ready to explode because she is so frickin' angry today.  Waiting for her to relax a little so I can check.
In her room now, she's quiet but I can hear her kicking the wall.  This is a frequent thing, until she puts a hole in the wall.  I guess that is the point that the crib goes in the middle of the room. 

It's on these types of days that bad thoughts trickle into my thoughts.  Those thoughts that the doctors and nurses warn you about post-partum.  But they last only a second.  And poof, are gone.  I try to hold her to calm her, and it works for a bit but then it gets too much.

These are the days I question my sanity.  Question decisions I've made, decisions I'm going to make, everything. 

I dont' drink much so I can't drink away the pain, maybe just a sip to take the edge off...is that the wrong reason to drink?  Well I can't even if I wanted to. 

Only thing left is to officially find the sanitarium that I would like to voluntarily commit myself to, or if worse comes to worse, my husband can have me committed.  See, it's in writing so that should hold up in court.  Right?

*sigh* Tomorrow is another day.

Revelations

Over the last couple of days I have learned some really interesting information about myself.  Well it's interesting to me at least.  Things that I always knew were there but for some reason never paid much attention to them, or thought they were normal.  As it turns out, my thought processes are not normal.  Well, I shouldn't say normal because normal is open to perception.  They have been normal for me, but after some revelation realize what's normal for me is not necessarily normal for someone else.

1) I am a fairly chaotic thinker but a very linear doer. 
2) I like organization and structure far more than just 'winging it'. Although I do enjoy spontaneity.  (sp)
3) Just like reading a book, when I write it's from beginning to end.  Kind of makes me realize why I keep getting blocked when writing something of a larger scale.
4) I enjoy reading books written in first person point of view much more than third person point of view, but yet when I write it's almost always in third person. Unless it's a personal essay or something and then it's obviously in first person.  And my blog is in first person.  I think when it comes to writing, I am too afraid to have so much of myself in the story when it is meant to be fiction. 
5) I am a walking, living, breathing contradiction, but I am not flaky.  I am easily swayed though to another person's thinking if it's not something I firmly believe in.

Olympic Torch Comes Through Calgary

So it's finally here.  The Olympic Torch has returned to Calgary for the first time in 22 years.  We joined the throng of onlookers on the city streets to view this once in a lifetime spectacle.  Well maybe not "once" in a lifetime but it is unlikely that the flame will pass through this city again, anytime in the next 20 years.

It was an interesting sight, but one that lasted all of 5 minutes and then was over.  Funny how people will stand on the streets for an hour prior just to view something that is over in a matter of seconds.
And don't even get me started on some of the dedicated citizens of our great city.  Cops patrolled by asking people to stand back...oh good, maybe now I will get a good view of the relay.  But no, the second the cops were past, big tall men would stand in my way again...and I am short.  Not so short that they can't see me standing there with my camera trying to get a shot, but short enough that I am completely disregarded in a matter of seconds.  Particular man in question had even asked me a few minutes earlier if I could see.  How thoughtful...but he must have alzheimers cause 10 seconds later he forgets what he just asked.  Sheesh.
Oh, well, I did manage to get a decent shot.

Julianne even did some cheering of her own with her little flag.  She was enthralled, squealed in delight when the cops drove past, forcing people back, sounding their sirens.  She oohed and ahhed over the big vehicles that paraded past before the torch actually arrived.  I know she will not remember this day, but there are pictures that she can see later and know that she was there.

Another first for me, was actually seeing the flame on the top of the Calgary Tower lit up.  This is done very rarely and in the few times that it has been done, I have never had the chance to see it.  But tonight I had to venture close to downtown and had a pretty good view.  I know it's far away, but if you look real close, in the background you will see the flame on top of the tower.  I had more close up pictures but this is the only one that came out relatively clear.