A demon has possessed my daughter.
Ok, no need to call an exorcist, YET. But she is the most miserable I have seen her in...EVER.
Seemed like a normal morning, she was happy, but hardly ate any breakfast. Then she threw it on the floor in a fit.
SHe drank, she laid on my lap, all seemed fine. Until I left the room to do something and it started all again. And she wouldn't listen to reason. Alright, I shouldn't expect her to listen to reason quite yet, but oh how I wish she would.
I gave her a snack and a drink and she was happy. For a few minutes.
Until I had to change her diaper again...and try to get some regular clothes on her. Complete and total chaos. Rolling, kicking, screaming, punching, scratching, you name it, she was attacking. She did not want the pants on that was for sure.
Her head was warm but I am not sure if it's a fever or if she is ready to explode because she is so frickin' angry today. Waiting for her to relax a little so I can check.
In her room now, she's quiet but I can hear her kicking the wall. This is a frequent thing, until she puts a hole in the wall. I guess that is the point that the crib goes in the middle of the room.
It's on these types of days that bad thoughts trickle into my thoughts. Those thoughts that the doctors and nurses warn you about post-partum. But they last only a second. And poof, are gone. I try to hold her to calm her, and it works for a bit but then it gets too much.
These are the days I question my sanity. Question decisions I've made, decisions I'm going to make, everything.
I dont' drink much so I can't drink away the pain, maybe just a sip to take the edge off...is that the wrong reason to drink? Well I can't even if I wanted to.
Only thing left is to officially find the sanitarium that I would like to voluntarily commit myself to, or if worse comes to worse, my husband can have me committed. See, it's in writing so that should hold up in court. Right?
*sigh* Tomorrow is another day.